I had not a clue what laid ahead. I was excited, I was nervous, and ready to puke my guts out thinking about what I was about to leave behind.
As I sold my very first car my Jeep liberty I had only had for 18 months tears soaked my face, as I packed my next 18 months into a bag and stepped away from a home I had lived in for like 15 years my heart was ready to pound it's way out of my chest.
As I said goodbye to my dogs I felt as though my heart was being left in Utah.
I cried the entire drive from Sandy City Utah to the Missionary training center in Provo. The whole car ride there my dad kept saying "You know sport it's not to late to turn around and go home..."
Memories were flashing through my head and the thoughts of inadequacy insecurity and fear were flashing through my mind! I WAS READY TO EXPLODE.
Then I walked through the front doors to the MTC. All my fears suddenly became less... powerful, I was over come with the joy and peace the spirit provides, as I pinned my brand new shiny black name tag to my shirt with the bright orange dot sticker on the front that just screams "HEY I AM NEW LOOK AT ME" my heart was filled with excitement, the things I left behind began to fade and my heart was filled with peace. I knew that this was going to be a time to remember, a time I would hold onto for the rest of my life.
Today as i reflect back to this time I smile. At times, I still doubt my ability to do this, I wonder if I am working hard enough, am I talking to every one who needs this, at times I miss those promptings of the spirit and I kick my self in the butt for it. I know that as to my own strength I am nothing. My strength comes through Christ. The ability to speak when called upon, to serve when you feel like staying in bed all day and to smile even though I want to cry comes through Christ.
This has been the best, hardest, most exhausting journey of my life. I WOULD NOT TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING. I have learned a lot in this last year. I am not even close to the same person I was 12 months ago.
All though this experience has been hard I have never felt more joy. I have never been so happy. I have never felt so at peace.
I am so thankful I didn't take my dads offer and turn around to my home.
When we leave behind what is familiar to us to grow. When God calls us to his work it stretches us, it pushes us to grow and to rely on him.
Even if we feel like I at times feel like I am not strong enough to perform his labors I am reassured and I know that God will qualify me to become the servant he needs. Never feel like you aren't smart enough, good enough, never feel like you are to shy or to timid to come and serve. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU CAN DO IT.
To any one who is pondering if they should serve a mission, YOU WILL NEVER REGRET GOING.
I have come to not just know about my Savior, I have come to KNOW my savior. My relationship with my Savior has become very personal here on my mission. One year ago I thought I would get to New York and be like the missionaries in the bible and book of Mormon and bring thousands of souls to Christ. I was ready to change the world. My mind pictured a mission to be this epic adventure where every one and anyone wants to listen to what I have to say. REALITY CHECK. IT'S HARD. Nothing that is worth it comes easy. The Saviors mission was never easy so why did I expect for mine to be?
Fact we learn through trials. There have been days that I have felt like this : 27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.
Life has days that are hard. My mission has taught me to not lose faith in trials. To push through and to "Have faith unto patience" Just because things aren't working out exactly how I wished and hoped doesn't mean I am an epically unsuccessful missionary. I am successful in the Lords eyes because things are playing out the way he needs. Success is measured by our diligence, our go and do attitude even when things are at rock bottom.
PEOPLE DO WANT TO HEAR WHAT WE HAVE TO SAY! They are hard to find, but when you find them and their hearts have been prepared GREAT SHALL BE YOUR JOY!
24 For behold, angels are declaring it unto many at this time in our land; and this is for the purpose of preparing the hearts of the children of men to receive his word at the time of his coming in his glory.
DON'T LOSE YOUR HOPE, DON'T LOSE YOUR FAITH KEEP SEARCHING, KEEP KNOCKING AND KEEP OPENING YOUR MOUTH.
I have learned how to love. I had an experience a few weeks ago riding in an elevator at a nursing home. a nurse stepped into the elevator and the thought came to my mind "look up and smile" As i did so the nurse was taken back and she quickly looked away. then she looked quickly back up at me and said "Your eyes" and she gave me a very generous compliment. In that moment that she stepped back and looked away I was overwhelmed with a sense of love and compassion toward this woman I had never met. I wanted to help her in anyway possible. I have learned of Gods love for his children. I have learned that no matter where we are in life, he loves us. Something so simple as smiling and saying hello to this woman made her day. I know that it was nothing I did, but that in that moment I was being an instrument in my Saviors hands to show her, he is aware.
22 The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
I have learned to serve. To offer of my time to those in need. To reach out and help one who feels they are to far gone to return. To show some one all is not lost.
My mind has been blown away time and time again as I sit in the living room of a complete stranger in tears as we testify of Jesus Christ and His restored Gospel, I have been blessed to witness mighty change in the hearts of Gods children as they accept him and his true teachings.
My understanding of the Atonement has become very real as I have applied it daily in this missionary service. Each day as i recite " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." as I get out of bed I feel the enabling power of the atonement helping me receive the strength and energy I need to serve. We have to put forth our best effort to receive divine help.
My love for the scriptures and the ability to apply them has become second nature to me. Before my mission I could not understand the scriptures to save my life. As I have come to understand the scriptures I have come to understand God, and my Brother Jesus Christ.
Lastly I have learned to love rules. RULES ARE AMAZING. Rules given out of love and kept out of love provide safety for our souls. They provide freedom. Gods commands are not to be take lightly but to be followed exactly and repentance is required when we get off track.
My mission has changed me forever.
New York will forever hold a piece of my heart, there are many people here who have left an impact on me that will forever change my life. I am looking forward to what these next six months hold. I will not be counting them away but I will be holding on to every moment of each and every day.
This has been one crazy year, but I can now say I KNOW MY SAVIOR. I KNOW HE LIVES. I KNOW HE HAS AGAIN CALLED PROPHETS TO THE EARTH. I know that he has the power to heal us from scars that seem to deep to mend, I know that we can be forgiven of our mistakes and move forward into a bright future, I know that through Christ we can do anything.
Those tears I cried the whole way to the Mtc have been replaced with laughter, with happiness beyond what I could ever imagine, friendships that will be eternal, and memories I will hold close for the rest of my existence. (WHICH IS FOREVER) I have had some of the most awkwardly comical moments, scary moments, and spiritual moments out here in western New York that I will never forget.
Missions aren't just hard, they are worth it. It is rewarding to watch some one you love so dear develop a relationship with Jesus Christ in a whole new way, it is amazing to bring peace to the troubled soul who is in great need, the joy I have received is beyond anything I can describe. My heart is full and continues to stretch as my love for others grows. Missions are not meant to just be accomplished, they are to be enjoyed, we are to be happy, to laugh and have fun while we work our feet off.
My mission has given me the foundation I need to grow in life, to become the woman God needs me to be. To reach out and help those in need, to no longer fear helping a stranger in need and to lift up my voice and to speak when it is needed. I have found who I am in Christ. I will no longer be ashamed.
My mission is preparing me for the rest of my life. I am so grateful to be an instrument in Gods hands. To bring his children home!
TO ALL YOU FUTURE MISSIONARIES... GET READY FOR THE BEST 18 MONTHS OR TWO YEARS FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!! :):)
MISSIONS ARE AMAZING :) K THAT'S ALL BYE :)
No comments:
Post a Comment