Confidence in Christ

  Life is a journey, not always an easy one either. As I grew up I was often the one woman wolf pack, or at the other end of peoples bad jokes, I guess you could say I wasn't particularly popular. As I went through school I was bullied by others and many times I stood alone. It later led to a lot of My adult insecurities. Through out Middle school and High school I found my self hanging out with my parents at home A LOT. As I would strive to maintain the values and standards my parents expected of me it grew even more difficult to "fit in" my mom and dad would always do their best to reassure me that at some point in my life I would see these times as a blessing. 

 Through these times and for some time after I was very shy and a little scared to show who I really was. I feel the reason I was scared to show My true self is because I didn't yet know who the TRUE Ashley Carlson was. I had yet to find my real self in the Savior. In my short life of 22 years it has been easy to look for myself in the wrong places, not to far off track from where I needed to be, but enough that I was blinded of my divine nature. I knew Jesus Christ did everything for me, but I didn't quite understand the depth behind that, nor will I ever until I am at His feet again some day. 

 It wasn't until February 6, 2013 when I finally started getting a sense of the Ashley the God wanted me to be. As I walked through the doors of The Missionary Training Center in Provo Utah. That is when it finally clicked... When I finally saw that God wanted Me to be SOO much more than I was becoming before I decided to serve a mission. It was certainly NOT the Ashley the world wanted me to be. I was finally beginning to realize that no friend, no boy, no person of this world should EVER influence who I really am. Nothing the world had/has to offer could form me into who I am becoming here and now. The transformation we can obtain only comes through Jesus Christs Atonement. It makes me think of a scripture in the Bible that has brought me great comfort though out different times in my life.

 "27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

John 14:27

It is said in the Bible and The Book Of Mormon that which is good is of God. If it invites us to become better it is extended from our Loving Heavenly Father.

"11 Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God." 

-3 John 1:11

"13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.

14 Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil."

Moroni 7:13-14 (The Book Of Mormon)

 When I had only been on my mission but a few weeks we had interviews with the President, the morning of I woke up particularly cranky. I couldn't figure out why.. I was just on one. 

It was because I was about to hear something that would change my life for the better forever, Satan knew it, He was doing everything he could to keep me from being spiritually in tune. 

 Through this meeting I explained my frustrations to the mission President and He explained to me that which is positive and uplifting is of God, that which is negative, and criticizing is of Satan. At that moment he told me to let go of anyone of anything that was making me feel that way. 

 This was and still is a turning point for me. To be able to let go of confidence in myself and to let confidence in Christ take over.This is when I realized the confidence I was seeking for could only be found in The Savior.

 How can I find confidence in Christ? How can I let go of things that have held me back for so long? 

The answer is so simple yet when we are human it becomes complicated to apply. Only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can we let go, only through studying the words of The Savior and Our Father in Heaven can we find that confidence we all yearn for in this life. The world makes us feel like we have to be extraordinarily beautiful to fit in, to find love, the world has made it a difficult place to find a positive self image. So how can we find a positive self image??

 By finding the light of Christ in our reflections. ALL of us are children to our Heavenly Father, therefor we ALL can reflect him in our countenance. 

"22 The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

3 Nephi 13:22 (The Book Of Mormon)

To reflect the light of Christ we must diligently seek Him, In a world of darkness we must let him be the light guiding us through. Feasting upon the teachings of His Earthy, by doing our best in keeping the commandments not just here a little there a little. Although we are not perfect it is important that we strive to keep all commandments as much as possible, because none of us are perfect Jesus Christ provided us a way to let go of our mistakes through repentance and sincere change. 

 As I am learning to let go and let Christ in, my self image grows more positive each and every day. Its not about what we look like how long or how short our hair is, or how we dress. It is about our desire to "keep our eye single to the glory of god" our desire to love and serve others, our desire to reach out and be the change we wish to see in the world. True beauty shines from within. Our very creation started from with in and worked outwards as we received our body here on earth. Throughout time the world has distorted the way our bodies are to be viewed. Rather than becoming something so special and sacred from our Loving Father above it has become a taxi cab to finding worldly satisfaction.

 The more time I am here on my mission the more I have realized this life isn't all about me, it is not SELF confidence I have been searching for, it is confidence in my Savior Jesus Christ. This life is our time to love others as Christ would, to serve others as He did, to be His hands here on the Earth. It is all about becoming as He is, to let our hearts be full of his pure love and charity, to not hold back and to share what we know about Him with others. 

 This life is about finding happiness and true joy. It is a time to shine forth and help our neighbor. Of course it wont always be perfect, but through the storms comes the greatest knowledge. Through relying on Christ comes great healing. Through Christ we find eternal life. One of my favorites parts of the Bible is The woman at the well, as Jesus explains to the woman about his gospel and that he KNOWS her, she isn't alone in the world, that he knows how to help her, it shows to me the love he has for us as well. He doesn't want just two or three of us to drink from his well of everlasting life. He wishes for us ALL to partake. To grab him by  the hand and to follow him.

"10 Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.

 11 The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?

 12 Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?

 13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:

 14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."

John 4:10-14

 Following Gods way isn't easy, it comes with sacrifices, and we all will become lost at some point or another. Before we wander to far, before our hearts become callased from the world, take hold of Christ, give him your heart and become as he would have you become. It's letting go of fear and taking hold of faith. My mom and dad promised me I would see the blessings of my past coming forth in my future. The burdens of my past have become the blessings of my future. Teaching me of who Jesus Christ is, it has helped me to understand a little more his atonement and the ways I can apply it to my life. In the moment it felt like my world was ending, but here today I am so grateful for going through the things I struggled with to gain a better understanding of Jesus Christ.

 “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” (1 Ne. 3:7.)

 The Savior is constantly inviting "come follow me" "come unto me"

 

"24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

mattew 16:24

"38 And he that taketh not his across, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

 39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that closeth his life for my sake shall find it.

 40 ¶He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me."

Matthew 10:39-40

Lose Yourself in Christ and become found.