Today is the day.

"This day is a precious gift of God."

"choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
Joshua 24

I really like that scripture! This scripture wasn't always my way of life. I wasn't a terrible person. But I wasn't my best self. Spurts of in activity and lazy in my beliefs was the way I lived. I didn't realize the blessings I had in my life, and I didn't realize how blessed I was to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints. My testimony was a little rocky, I didn't quite understand the motives behind my actions, I more or less just went through the motions.

When I was 19 the idea of serving a mission popped in my head. I was dead set on NOT GOING. After all, I would be sending my then high school sweetheart on a mission and I only had to wait two  years for him. Going on a mission DID NOT FIT MY PLANS. Surely enough He left on a mission and I slowly started drifting from going to church.

I moved to New Jersey where church wasn't exactly convenient to attend. I lived 30 minutes away, I was borrowing a car from my boss and didn't always have a car. Before I knew it, it became "easier" to sleep in than to wake up and go.

While I lived in New York I was able to go to the Hill Cumorah pageant and to walk through the grove of trees where we believe God the Father and Jesus Christ came back for man kind and called the 14 year old boy Joseph Smith to be a prophet. The group I was there with was blessed enough to hear from the mission president at the time Jack R Christianson. I had prayed before we went into the grove, this was my deciding moment.. Either this story of Joseph Smith was true, or it was not. As I walked through the grove I was over come by this sense of warmth, and peace, I could feel in my heart it was true, however I was not yet ready to act on what I felt. Then we heard from President Christianson. As he spoke to us his words touched my heart. In my heart I felt I needed to make some big changes and prepare myself to go on a mission. I wasn't even 20 yet! I would have a whole other year before then. In between that time the man I was waiting for would have returned and again it just didn't fit my plan.

I moved back home to Utah and continued in my pattern of not attending church and doing my thing. School and work, that was my life. I didn't have time between two jobs and school to do much else.

Slowly the time for my 21 birthday was creeping up on me. The thoughts of serving a mission began to weigh heavy on my heart and mind. Not feeling like I was good enough I kept pushing away the thoughts. Finally I approached my Bishop and told him what I wanted to do. HE WAS THRILLED. He invited me to go to the temple and to read in my book of mormon to find if this was what I truly needed to do.

I then went to the temple and I opened a book of mormon and began to read. and as I read I found this verse. One of the very first verses I read

"9 I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy."

I knew this was what the Lord was calling me to do. I was a few months into hair school, I had an awesome job as a receptionist at a salon, my car was getting closer to being paid off I had everything going for me, I was looking to rent a cute little house for only being 20 almost 21 years old I had established a good comfortable life. I wasn't ready to leave this comfortable life of mine.

Finally I was in. I knew that I needed to go. I started my papers, I was active in church again and I WAS SO HAPPY! SO HAPPY.

After finally submitting my paper work I waited and waited and WAITED for the call. I thought I would for sure go to Peru, or Guatemala. Finally the call letter came, as I tore it open the first words I saw were the words "HILL CUMORAH VISITOR CENTER" I was SOOOO MAD. SO mad. I did NOT want to go to a visitor center. I cried. I was furious. I hated talking to large groups of people.. I hated crowds.. I was determined they called me to the wrong place. I thought to myself.. This isn't going to be a real mission... I am going to be like a caged tiger all day. Waiting for people to come. The quick two months waiting for my call date FLEW by, I wasn't in as much denial.. I arrived to the Mtc and walked into my class to be trained when the teacher walks up to me and just starts rattling off in spanish.. Not only was I called to a visitor center.. but they wanted me to learn spanish!? How am I supposed to do that!? For 6 weeks my world was flipped into another relm. Spanish, and hours upon hours of studies.. I had never really even read a book cover to cover in my life!

My first 9 or 10 weeks I was still determined I was in the wrong place. I couldn't take a tour, my testimony of the Restoration was still rocky, and here I am serving WHERE THE CHURCH WAS RESTORED!?

It didn't take long after taking tours and learning to love people with in the first 10 seconds of knowing them to realize THIS WAS MY CALL. I AM EXACTLY where God needs me to be.

God calls us in our weaknesses, he uses those weaknesses to touch others with similar struggles. He teaches us to trust in him as we feel we are inadequate to perform his labors. I knew nothing about the church in its beginnings. I didn't know who EB Grandin was..(the owner of the book store the book of mormon was first sold at)  I hardly even knew who Martin Harris was... (first scribe to help with the translation proccess of the book of mormon) I didn't know a thing. I still don't know a lot. However, I know enough, I know that it is Gods work, I know that this is Christ church, and that through the book of mormon I have found my Savior and the peace I need in life.

We don't always understand why heavenly father has called us to serve, or why we are where we are.  But we can understand that He knows us, he knows how that calling will be for our benefit.

I don't know why I am so blessed to serve here in such a sacred place, to stand on such holy ground and testify of the events that took place here. I will never in my human mind be able to comprehend the significance of these places in history, or to appreciate the sacrifices made by the early members of the church. But I will always cherish my home here in New York.

This is the land where I have gained a testimony of the power of forgiveness, this is where my heart has been healed, and the savior has forgiven me of my mistakes, he has helped me to understand it's okay to have weaknesses and not be the perfect missionary, as long as I am trying to be better. This land of western New York will forever hold my heart, as I have felt the love of God for his children when I sit in a strangers home and talk of Christs life, to watch the atonement mend and change them... I am blown away and engulfed with such great JOY!

"Serving Him invites the Holy Ghost to be with us. And the Holy Ghost is a cleanser of sin."Henry B. Eyring

Nothing heals the wounded heart like giving your time and heart to the Lord. 

"Those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them, without resistance or resentment. We cease doing things our way and learn to do them God’s way instead."

I am so thankful he has trusted me with his work and that I am serving him. For anyone who is reading this and planning on serving a mission DO IT DO IT DO IT. It doesn't matter how much or how little you know, all you need is the desire to go. The rest will come. The tesimony will be strengthened over time.

 

"These are days to never be forgotten"

"When you are in the service of your fellow beings you are in the service of your God."

 

It doesn't matter where you have been, the Lord takes us in our weaknesses and wraps us in his loving arms and changes us. He takes us as we sin and as we repent he cleanses us. You are enough to serve God in anyway. It doesn't have to be in the service of a full time mission. We can serve God by serving others. By helping those who are broken find peace.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, love and deliver peace. I know that they love us, no matter where we have been, they look at us as where we can go and who we can become. The gospel of Jesus Christ is about becoming. Becoming better. ITS TRUE! ITS ALL TRUE!!!!! :)

My mamma taught me to laugh

“Though hard to you this journey may appear, all is well… All is well”

Oh my mission.. I have had quite the experiences.... So last night I fell asleep like a rock. The minute my head touched the pillow I WAS OUT. Around 2:30 I remember having this weird dream, I don't know what it was about or who was in it but all the sudden it was being interrupted by this terrible high pitched alarm... I finally was half way awake and looked over at Sister Anderson to see she was sleeping restlessly in her bed. So I said her names a few times.. "hermana... sister.. anderson.. andy..." She finally answers "what"... "Do you hear that? what is it??" "Yeah.. it's an alarm..." oh okay.. we both lay back down and fall back asleep.. when all the sudden my subconscious mind clicks in... "SISTER CARLSON! THAT IS A FIRE ALARM! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF BED!" ohhhhhhhh "Hey sister anderson we should probably make sure everything is okay! get up!" So both of us are totally out of it can't figure out what is going on. so we grab our keys and our phone and go sit outside to try and wake up... Finally after a 20 minute debate we decide to call president francis... As I explain to him that we thought maybe it was a carbon monoxide sensor he says "Your keys should have a remote to turn it off" and I was like woah.. my car key remote can turn it off???" "Yes, just push the button" "President.. this is like a fire alarm though" "OHHHHHHHH... i thought you were saying a car alarm. come to the mission home and spend the night here. we can figure it out in the morning." (hehe so glad he was as confused as we were... ) So we went to the mission home and spent the night there. In the morning as we were getting ready to go home I tripped and fell up the stairs after feeling like my small toe was ripped off all me and sister Anderson could do is laugh. so hard we could barely breath. IT HAD BEEN A NIGHT... Sister Francis made the comment "At least you are able to laugh about it!" 

If you know me, you will know that I HATE WHEN MY SLEEP IS INTERRUPTED. I am sooo grumpy when I get woken up pre alarm clock. I was sooo tired by the time morning really came today all I wanted to do is cry when the alarm went off... Pre mission life I COULD SLEEP IN A LITTLE... As a missionary.. Not an option... sleep in=disobedience.. disobedience=lack of spirit in your day... By the time I stubbed my toe.. I was ready to just drop my bags and go lay in bed... So what do we do? We laugh. 

My mama taught me to laugh. When you want to cry.. Laugh. How we react to our trials is up to us. Something I love about my mom and my family, when ever we get hurt.. We laugh. To keep from crying when we were little my mom would ALWAYS always always make us laugh. I have a funny mom. In her own goofy way she was teaching us to endure well. 

The trials aren't going to go away if we pitch a fit and scream our way through it. The seas wont calm themselves. We NEED Jesus Christ, He can't speak to us if our mind is wrapped up in bitterness, He can't reach us if we are shutting him out, He can't touch our heart if we building up walls around it.. 

However, He can help us find peace, He can help us find joy, He can calm the seas, and He can help us break down the walls. 

Our fire alarm last night ended up being a total false alarm, we could have stayed at home and fallen back asleep and had a cozy night in our own beds... Or we could have not acted on what we felt was right by going to presidents, it could have been something serious and we could have been hurt. 

Right before I went to bed I prayed last night and asked to be able to understand the spirit, the recognize when God is trying to communicate with me. In this simple way he was able to teach me valuable lessons. 

When you feel something is right, even if it seems crazy... follow it. I am glad we followed what we felt to be right even though nothing was wrong or we could have ended up preaching the gospel in the spirit world! Heavenly Father answers our prayers, not always in the way we like or the way we hope. I do know that no matter how the answer comes or the way the answer is delivered God has a purpose for it. 

When You are going through trials you are NEVER ALONE. He is with us each step of the way. To life us, to carry us, he is not on the side lines cheering us on, he is on the field playing with us, picking us up when we are down, helping us to make the goal. He never leaves us or forgets who we are and what we need. He knows what we need, and often times that is the opposite of our wants for ourselves. He knows what will help us reach our divine measure, He has to stretch us a little to get us there.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.”

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”

What does it mean to "endure it well" To me, it means to let go of my own stubborn selfish wants and desires and to trust in what God knows I need. To hang on tight and keep my arms inside the ride. To know that though the journey seems rough.. I can make it through with Christ. That I can have joy even when the seas seem to rough to cross. Christ is there. To help us find happiness. As I was reading in the book of Mormon today I don't even know how many times I saw the words "joy, happiness, happy, joyous, and peaceful" I saw it enough times to realize.. God wants for us to be happy and to find peace in him. 

Happiness is a choice

Fun fact... this picture took me a REALLY LONG TIME TO MAKE.. It was testing my ability to be happy even in difficult circumstances... hahaha. (I think I failed...)

God wants for us to be happy in this life. It's no wonder his plan for us is often referred to as

"The Plan of Happiness."

Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

Heavenly father didn't put us here to wander through life hopelessly alone and miserable. Though life is more often than not..REALLY HARD.. It is possible to find joy in the journey.

Happiness is often based off of temporal matters, things that fade. WHY WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES... I KNOW NOT.

So what brings me true, pure, ever lasting happiness???

Obedience. The first law of heaven.

41 And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.

 Mosiah 2

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a way of life. A life patterned after Christs example and centered on obedience is a life of spiritual freedom. When I think back to the times in my life that I have been unhappy the root always comes from spiritual hunger. My spirit has been bound because a carelessness in keeping Gods laws and a lack of living the life he has asked me to lead.

The things of life come and go. Friends come and go.. Boys come and go. But Jesus Christ, and heavenly father.. they will never go.

"2 For God doth not walk in crooked paths, neither doth he turn to the right hand nor to the left, neither doth he vary from that which he hath said, therefore his paths are straight, and his course is one eternal round"

my next source of happiness comes from seeking after and feasting on the words of Christ.
 

"20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

FEAST ON THE WORDS OF CHRIST. One of my favorite terms. To feast on the words of Christ I think of eating your favorite meal, you savor it, you enjoy it, you can't get enough of it, you digest it, and produce it into energy.

I can't get enough of the words of Christ. GIVE ME MORE. I didn't understand how a book could influence my life before my mission. As we read it and really take in the words we read, they become more than just words, they become part of us. We become as the things we read and watch. Reading the book of Mormon and the Bible is helping me to become something more than I knew I was capable of. As I FEAST on the words and turn them into action in my life I change. I grow and I get closer to God. I get closer to being the woman he needs me to be. It's more than just liking a verse, or a phrase. It's reading the stories and making it apply to our life.

Christ was happy. He was loving. As we become like him and follow his life we see in the scriptures, happiness will follow most naturally.

"God hath called me by a holy calling, to preach the word unto this people, and hath given me much success, in the which my joy is full.

14 But I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren, who have been up to the land of Nephi."

Serve others, love others, help others to find healing through the atonement, be a source of solace and refuge to friends and family, share testimony of Christ.

Teaching others and helping others find their way home to heavenly father has brought me the greatest joy in my life. If you want to forget yourself, and your trials and truly find joy, reach out to those around you and see that each of us has a story, each of us wants to make it back to God. We aren't here to race home, but to help each other find the way. My joy has been full as I help others come to the understanding of their Savior when I watch their eyes light up as they understand who the Savior is to them, and what they are capable of becoming. Even the hard days become easy to bear because I am lost in the joy of God.

Before acting, think to yourself... In the long run will this make me happy? Or is this something that I will only be happy with for right now?

Let go of the past. Stop living in a place you cant go back to and be hopeful that what your future holds will be better. Don't hold onto negative memories, or wish you could be back when you "were once happy" Be happy with where you are today, be happy with who you are surrounded by. be grateful for the friends you have found, and the friends who have stood by your side. don't always be wishing for the ones who have left you, to return.

Don't wish for the future and always be looking forward to a future date. Be happy with what you have now. Live for today and find joy in the simple things. recognize the lords hand in your life and continually give thanks to him. Ask him to show you his miracles and his blessings that I KNOW ARE SURROUNDING YOU. Maybe you aren't the most popular person ever, I know that I have never been a woman of many friends and I felt like a loser. I always have had just one close friend and a lot of times that friend was Christ. Just me and him, taking on the world together, but guess what... He over came the world so that I wouldn't have to. So I know that as the world was being thrown at me he could help lift me up and carry me through. I am thankful for my small close circle of friends that know me almost as well as I know myself. Find friends who become family, and keep your family close.

Don't fear the future but have faith in it. This one is really hard for me. I am really scared as the time of my missions ending is drawing near.. I have great fear in my heart. Am I strong enough to stand alone? To not have a specific time each day set aside to study the words of Christ? Do I have what it takes to still share the gospel even when I don't wear the name tag? Do I have what it takes to stand firm in my covenants I have made with God? Fear not and know that God is with you. I am strong enough, I do have what it takes, AND I will do what it takes to continually find happiness, even when life is changing, and often difficult. You have what it takes.

Trust that God has your life in his hands, that he wont give you anything beyond what you and him can bear together. When the world is crumbling around you remember the savior has been there before, for you. Pay attention to the little moments that matter most. Look for the sun between the clouds.

In the end. YOU. DETERMINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

If the people you are around hurt you... find new friends. If you aren't being treated right find the courage you need to make the necessary changes. Remove yourself from situations that you can control and then move forward with peace.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, AND DONT BE AFRAID TO BE DIFFERENT.

follow the commandments. read your scriptures, apply what you read. trust in God. Move forward with Faith. and believe. believe that you are enough, that you have enough and that The future is bright. Happiness is available. It is real, and it can be eternal.

True happiness comes from obedience to God. To be spiritually free, brings PURE JOY. Follow Christ. Live a Christ-like life. You will find peace. 

Maybe you have lost your way and feel it's impossible to return, maybe you have the fear that you will never be... perfect enough. Or the fear of letting those you love down.

Don't be afraid to try. Don't be discouraged if you fall. It doesn't matter how many times we fall. God isn't going to laugh at us while we are down. He will be lifting us back up encouraging us to try again. Don't be afraid of who you could become. Don't be afraid to shine, even if your light has been dimmed from the people around you. Be you and love who you are. God didn't create a generic person. He clearly loves diversity. Look at the world around you. No two snow flakes are the same, no finger print is the same as another. Don't be fearful of yourself. Trust in who you are and love it.

If you have lost your way, you can always come back. Christ is always calling.

"ye that have professed to have known the ways of righteousness nevertheless have gone astray, as sheep having no shepherd, notwithstanding a shepherd hath called after you and is still calling after you, but ye will not hearken unto his voice!

38 Behold, I say unto you, that the good shepherd doth call you; yea, and in his own name he doth call you, which is the name of Christ;"

this scripture seemed harsh to me at first, until I read it in a different way. Christ is always calling. no matter how far you stray he does leave his other sheep for a moment to find you. to seek you out and to bring you home. His arms are always stretched out to help you. to teach you and to guide you.

We aren't a perfect creature. Christ would have had no need to come to earth if we were perfect. He came to save us from our sins, from ourselves, and from the destruction sin causes. To heal the pain that is often the residue of a poor choice we have at some point made. Sin is like soap scum in the bottom of your tub, it seems hopeless to even begin trying to scrub it out, but once you apply the Saviors atonement and really repent and do ALL that you can to allow Christ to help you fix what has been broken and allow him to scrub away the guilt that is left in your heart, you can be delivered to safety and return to his fold. It is not to late to start over. It is not to late to return and take back what is yours. Happiness is free. It is available for you. Return to Christ and give up your sins to know him. To find joy in him. and to have your peace of heart restored.

"18 O God, Aaron hath told me thatthere is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at" the last day.

What are you willing to change, and to give to know God? Not to just know of him, but to truly KNOW him..

He loves you. He loves ALLof his children. If coming to know him means a lot of change than do it! It is not worth it to hold onto regret and bitterness. It is not worth it to fear what repentance might take. Repent that he might heal you. Let him heal you.

THAT IS WHERE YOU WILL FIND JOY. true joy can only be found in Christ.

"Come follow me"

What would it take for you to follow the Savior? Will you answer his call?

We are all on the path to discipleship. The journey to eternal life. Christ asks that we come and follow him. Are you willing to stop, no matter where you are to follow Christ? 

Or will you cling onto the things of the world so tightly that you will ignore the invitation Christ is ALWAYS extending?

Where are your treasures?

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21

Christ paved the way for us to follow. His example was perfect. 

As I was preparing to come on a mission I don't know why but I expected that the moment I pinned the little black name tag to my shirt all my weaknesses, temptations and all of that fun would just magically vanish. I thought I would instantly be the master teacher, know the bible and book of Mormon inside out and testify with the power of the apostle Paul. 

OH WAS I EVER WRONG.. 

"I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary. Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that missionaries and investigators, to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price." Elder Holland

The path to discipleship comes with sacrifices, choices and accountability. 

What are you willing to leave behind or give to follow Christ?

"And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." Luke 9

You can not plow in a straight line if you are continually looking back to what you may be missing out on. You can not have one foot trapped in the vanities and pleasures of the world and have the other moving forward with Christ.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE NICE THINGS. But where is my heart? Am I set on seeking those treasures? Or do I seek after Christs celestial treasures? This is something I have to remind myself continually. I love nice clothes, phones, cars, and computers. However.. When my wants for the next big thing jump in the way of paying my tithing or consume my time... THAT'S WHEN I AM IN TROUBLE.

How is it possible to over come the natural wants?? This is something I have been trying to study, learn and apply to have in check before I return to the "real world"

 HOW DO I OVER COME THE NATURAL MAN.. WHAT ON EARTH IS THE NATURAL MAN?? 

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."Mosiah 3:19

 "The natural man or woman is unrepentant, is carnal and sensual, is indulgent and excessive, and is prideful and selfish. As President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “The ‘natural man’ is the ‘earthy man’ who has allowed rude animal passions to overshadow his spiritual inclinations" Elder Bednar

All things in moderation. I am the type of person who does everything is excess. GO BIG OR GO HOME. The natural man has no balance. There is one extreme or another.  If I am not perfect I will quit trying. Which is a huge weakness I have had to over come here on my mission. I am not perfect. and that is okay. Am I repenting? Am I doing my best to be better every day?  Am I doing my best to serve as Christ did, to reach out and follow his example of loving, compassion, and kindness?

Christ spent His life reaching out to the broken, lifting the troubled, healing the hurt which cant be healed alone. As he went about teaching he healed the troubled along the way.

To follow Christ we have to be willing to give of our time. Time one of the most precious things we have to offer. To spend our time in service is a beautiful thing. 

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."Mosiah 2:17

As you lose yourself in the service of God, true happiness is found. 

 "Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."Matthew 16

Lose yourself in Christ. In helping those who wander, in helping those who have been hurt in the battle field that life can often be. Help those have become blind to the spiritual light to see. Help others to receive Christ in their life that they can be healed. 

I know that as I have lost myself in the service of Christ, in helping others through trials, heart ache and tears I have been able to over come my heart aches and grief. I have been able to let go of grudges, and burdens I though I would carry helplessly through the rest of my life. As I have helped others to understand the importance of the atonement my understanding has too deepened and become real. 

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."Matthew 16

Lose your life in Christ and find who you truly are meant to be. Lose yourself in his example and reach your divine potential. Forget your trials by helping others through theirs. 

You don't have to be a missionary to devote time to service, teaching, and helping. 

I have spent so much of my life trying to find who I am and who I can be.. It was not until I began dedicating my time to serving others, and serving my father in heaven and savior Jesus Christ that I have found who I am. That I am seeing who I can be.

Lose yourself in Christ and find your potential. Lose yourself in Christ and find peace.

Christ is always calling, inviting and extending his arm for us to take hold of and to find safety. 

"I would be my brother's keeper;

I would learn the healer's art.

To the wounded and the weary

I would show a gentle heart."

-Lord I would follow thee

ALL CREATURES OF OUR GOD AND KING

Funny story.. Our apartment is old... when our neighbor down stairs showers it makes this really terrible high pitched.. ear drum rupturing squeal... our heater makes clicking noises that sounds like the aliens in the movies "Signs" the floors are so thin we can hear our down stairs neighbor blowing his nose. I have been living there a few months longer than sister Anderson so i am becoming used to the noises, they no longer wake me up in the night. 

Flash back two days ago... Sister Anderson said "I think we have a mouse living in the heater.. I could hear his little feet clicking around all night.. and it sounded like he was running around under your bed." 

I LAUGHED. We live on the top floor.. there is nooo way a mouse is in our apartment... It's probably just the boogie man... or our heater. It became my joke to her through out the day. She had a mysterious scratch on her finger my instant response "THE MOUSE DID IT." Everything was suddenly the mouses fault.

Alright. So last night. I couldn't sleep. I was either super warm, or super cold.... couldn't get cozy.. just one of those nights... then all the sudden  I hear it.... 'click, click, click.......' no sister Carlson.. it's just the heater.. you think it is the mouse because sister Anderson said that... it's not a mouse go to sleep..... as i am falling asleep i hear... little lite tapping sounds across the floor and the sound of crinkling paper.. i remembered there was a book that fell back there i was to lazy to get a while back... nooo the heater vent is just blowing out air.. mice can't read...... THEN.... about an hour later..... "SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK...." we indeed have a mouse my friends.... 

So the alarm finally goes off after the longest night of laying in my bed praying that this mouse doesn't some how climb up and try to get cozy with me. praying that he wont chew threw my laundry basket or favorite shoes.. laying there miserable while my comp is out cold. snoring..... finally it's time to have her be scared with me. after a 10 minute pep talk you can get out of bed... you can go to the bathroom.. it's just a mouse.. you had pet mice.. you loved mice when you were little. get over it you baby.. I FINALLY LEAP OUT OF BED AND SPRINT TO THE BATHROOM TO GET AWAY FROM THIS LITTLE CRITTER. 

Then I come back in thinking I am sooooo tough and lay down on the floor to see if I can see what kept me up all night... i think i was half expecting to see like a giant ravenous squirrel or opossum camping out... when I wasn't finding anything i began to think... your crazy. WHEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN... CRAAAAAAASH... I AM SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS WHILE SISTER ANDERSON IS SITTING ON HER BED SCREAMING AS WELL.. We realize it was just our phone that had slipped off the edge of my night stand....(sorry tony) Our little mouse friend was back in hiding.... You can run little mouse.. and you can hide.. but we will find you.... you may have won the battle... but we will win the war......

So what does this have to do with the gospel you might ask???

Have you ever felt prompted to do something that makes no sense? Or been asked to do something by your parents that you think is absolutely... just ridiculous??? 

Fun fact... I had a box of candy hiding under my bed that I could hear little squeaks rummaging through I HOPE YOU LIKED THE REESES SQUEAKS! My mom used to tell me when I was little if I didn't clean my room I would get mice under my bed..... I half way imagined this like Cinderella who had pet mice that helped her clean! GREAT BRING ON THE MICE... 16 years later.. mice under your bed.. not such a cute idea. I FINALLY TOOK YOUR ADVICE MOM.. I THREW THE CANDY AWAY AND CLEANED UNDER MY BED. 

Back to the spirit. Some times I feel like heavenly father asks me to do things or tells me things that just... logically, they don't pan out. Pre mission life I knew Jesus Christ is my Savior. I never doubted that. When I went to church I felt the spirit there. So I knew belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints(Mormons) was good for me. However.. I never understood how or why God would show himself to a 14 year old boy.. Just like a mouse.. living in our heater vent when we live on the 5 floor.. it just didn't make sense.... How could God show himself to a 14 year old farm boy who could hardly read?? How could he then translate a book written on gold plates given to him from an angel called Moroni who lived thousands of years ago... THIS JUST DIDN'T MAKE SENSE. 

"And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."1 Nephi 17

I like Nephi don't know everything.. But what I do know is that God loveth his children. Not just his children that moses led to safety.. or that were saved with Noah.. HE WANTS US ALL LED TO SAFETY. So how does he help us with this crazy life here on earth?? He gives us prophets. Do you believe in the bible? Do you believe that Moses parted the red sea?? That Daniel survived the lions den? That Christ walked on water and gave vision to the blind???

Do you believe in Gods miracles in the Old and New testament? 

If he was a God of miracles then.. than why isn't he a god of miracles today???

Good news is.. He is. He still loves us.. so he called a 14 year old boy to be a prophet. Joseph Smith. 

I know this because I am currently serving my mission where God came back for us. Where he again in 1820 reached out for us in love and restored  Christs church to the earth.

I realized when I was 20.. like it was hard for me to take sister Anderson's word about squeaks in the heater... and my mom telling me a mouse would live under my bed if i didn't clean.. I had to no longer just take my moms words that our church was the restored truth that had been lost. I had to find this on my own. I had to study it out in my mind, and ask God. 

I did that I studied the book of Mormon. Because if that is true.. than Joseph Smith was telling the truth. I prayed. I read. I prayed. I even tried NOT going to church for a while to see how my life would go. 

MY LIFE WAS MISERABLE. After reading and praying I came to know it was true. I decided to serve a mission. AND HERE I AM IN THE PLACE WHERE JOSEPH SMITH RECEIVED THE GOLD PLATES THAT ARE NOW THE BOOK OF MORMON. WHERE JOSEPH SMITH SAW HEAVENLY FATHER AND JESUS CHRIST. Today I am writing this blog to you in the very place where the book of Mormon was published and sold for the first time ever.

My testimony isn't perfect... But what I do know is that every day I receive a witness that Joseph Smith is a true and honest man. He indeed was a prophet. Who received help to bring us another book of scripture that with the bible can bring a closer to Jesus Christ than you ever though possible. I have come to know my savior in the pages of this beautiful book.

I can type away all day at the ways the book of Mormon and this church have changed my life.. but like I had to.. you will have to experience this for yourself. If you haven't read the book of Mormon... or prayed about it I would invite you to do so. If you have read it and are having doubts... read it again. and pray harder. The answer wont come all at once. It will come though. You will find that it is true if your heart is open. So many people laugh and say its not true... But just like the mouse that lives beneath my bed... The book of Mormon is the word of God and there are Prophets again today. :) 

Jesus Christ and Heavenly father love you. 

Read. Ponder. and Pray. 

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. Moroni 10

Diligent Obedience.

 "Wherefore, I, Nephi, did STRIVE to keep the commandments of the Lord, and I did exhort my brethren to faithfulness and diligence." 1 Nephi 17

I like that in this scripture Nephi doesn't say "I Nephi did keep ALL the commandments of the Lord." He made it clear that each day he did his best. He did "STRIVE" to keep the commandments.

God asks us to do our best to be our best, to do what we can to reach our potential, to become what he sees us becoming.

Some days my best might be 110% and others it's less than 50%...

Since I have been a missionary I have become very familiar with the words 
"EXACT OBEDIENCE"

"I am exactly obedient all the time" said no one.. ever.. except for Jesus Christ. I GET SO HARD ON MYSELF. Some times.. I am lazy and don't keep a rule to the fullest extent.. and some times.. I break rules by accident. AND IT HURTS. HOW COULD I DO SUCH A THING. HOW COULD I BE SO CARELESS.. HOW COULD I FORGET. WHY. HOW. WHY. WHAT. WHAT WAS I THINKING. I AM SO STUPID. I HATE BEING DISOBEDIENT.

SO HOW CAN I.... AN IMPERFECT BEING BE AN EXACTLY OBEDIENT MISSIONARY AND REACH PERFECTION!?!?!?!?!

I CANT. I SIMPLY CAN'T.

(HOWEVER I CAN TRY)

I beat myself up daily over this fact. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT.WHY ARE YOU SO CARELESS... HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.. ARE YOU DUMB!? 

If you have never thought like that teach me how. Because I feel like I am my worst critic. I CAN BE SO MEAN TO MYSELF. I beat my self down so much! and if you do it too....

STOP RIGHT THERE. STOP IT. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.

It's time for us to stop being so harsh, it's time to stop cutting yourself down...

"forget not to be patient with yourself. I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.
Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not."
-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Take it one day, one step at a time. It will even come down to hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Take each moment in that day to improve. 

Be diligent in moving forward, in keeping the commandments. 

I get my self trapped in this pit of despair when I am not perfectly perfect. I forget that diligence is key to success.

Diligence - constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind.

  The constant and earnest effort to continually push through. to work hard to become better. To stretch yourself each day to reach a higher level of excellence and obedience. 

 "Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who created all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all. Amen."

unfaltering, resolute, committed, dedicated, unswerving. are you doing your best to stand firm in your beliefs? Are you doing your best to be committed to God? Are you dedicating time to study your scriptures?  are you un bendable in your virtue and ability to stand up for what is right? 

Are you doing your best to repent and make right what you have done wrong??

If so then you are doing enough. You will reach your highest goals if you are continually pushing forward on the path to God. If you are doing that... than you are doing enough. 

Don't look at how many weaknesses you have and how impossible they are to over come. Take each weakness one step at a time.

  57 And the Lord of the vineyard said unto the servant: Pluck not the wild branches from the trees, save it be those which are most bitter; and in them ye shall graft according to that which I have said.

  59 And this I do that, perhaps, the roots thereof may take strength because of their goodness; and because of the change of the branches, that the good may overcome the evil.

65 And as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the good and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the bad thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish, and I lose the trees of my vineyard.

 74 And thus they labored, with all diligence, according to the commandments of the Lord of the vineyard, even until the bad had been cast away out of the vineyard, and the Lord had preserved unto himself that the trees had become again the natural fruit;  Jacob 5

DON'T BURN YOURSELF OUT ON YOUR IMPERFECTIONS. Your strengths are important too and not to be forgotten. If you focus to much on everything you can't do, don't do, didn't do, should do or shouldn't have dones... you will be one frustrated discouraged mess.  

have Faith in the Lord that each day he can take you in your weaknesses and use you for his great work. He can mend you, graft you, pluck your branches, replace the bad with the good. Even though at times these corrections hurt, let him mold you. you will over come trials, temptations and weaknesses. I promise.

Are you passively believing in Christ? Do you believe Christ. Do you trust that through him you are forgiven, healed, mended and made whole? Can he really help you do this??

YES!!!

HE CAN, I KNOW HE CAN... AND HE WILL. It's just a matter of being humble, being teachable, patience and perseverance. Don't get discouraged when you fall. Don't give up on yourself. keep pushing through with diligence and a mind firm in the faith. Repent daily, it lightens the load. You are enough. God is aware of our imperfections and he loves us through them. no matter what we do. HE LOVES US. FOREVER. HE WANTS YOU HOME WITH HIM. 

KEEP PRAYING. KEEP HAVING FAITH. REPENT ALWAYS. TRUST IN CHRIST AND HIS ATONEMENT AND BE FIRM, STEADFAST AND ALWAYS ABOUNDING IN GOOD WORKS. BEING LED TO GLORIFY GOD :)

"And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it." 

Mosiah 2

KEEP THE COMMANDMENTS AND YOU WILL FIND TRUE JOY. BEYOND ANY HAPPINESS A MOMENTARY PLEASURE CAN PROVIDE. KEEP THE COMMANDMENTS AND BE BLESSED.   

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. Ether 12:27

7 Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things.  Jacob 4:7

dont beat yourself up when you aren't exaclty obedient. Don't push yourself so hard and the beginning of the race that you are hardly crawling to the finish line. Don't run faster than you can walk. Become diligently obedient. Always remember the commandments and then act. Study. Then apply. YOU CAN DO IT! 

DILIGENT OBEDIENCE LEADS TO EXACT OBEDIENCE. PRACTICE MAKES PERMANENT.