For God so loved the world.

I am a child of God

What is love? Not like... "I love chocolate" or "I love to go swimming"

From what I have observed "Love" Often comes with conditions, expiration dates, and terms of one way agreement.

I love chocolate milk.. but eventually.. if you leave it in the fridge long enough it spoils. I love chocolate in general.. but if all I ever eat is chocolate.. eventually my body is going to give up. Chocolate has a one way relationship with me. I eat, I am happy... and then I want more. it is a terrible cycle RIGHT?? Selfish really.

A while back I posted about my new years resolution, learning to love again, as Christ loves. I think to be able to love as God and Jesus Christ do we must first understand their love for us. The key to loving is knowing God. Not just knowing God alone, but following Him through his son Jesus Christ example.

"7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."  1 John 4

 "18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

 19 We love him, because he first loved us."

As we understand Gods love for us, that it is perfect, unchanging, unconditional, no expiration dates the more we begin to understand who we are. The more we see Gods perfect love in our life, the less fear we will have when faced with trials, difficulties, temptations, anything of that nature. When filled with Gods perfect love their is no more room to have fear.

Who are we? We are children of Heavenly Father. Who loves us. Loving God comes almost naturally. But feeling His love back for us becomes clouded as it is a little more difficult when we live in a busy world filled with temptations of every kind.

He has loved us since the beginning when His son Jesus Christ offered himself a sacrifice for all of our weaknesses, afflictions, sicknesses, and trials.

 "1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;

 2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God"Ephesians 5

" 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life

 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."John 3

I am not a parent, however, I have seen and felt how much my mom and dad love me, how endless that love is. Even when I am imperfect and make mistakes... Can you imagine, sending your perfect baby boy into a world that as he grows up the world would reject him and cast him out?

 3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

 4 Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

 5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

 6 All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquities of us all.

He sent His son to a world wicked enough to crucify him so that we could make it home. We need Christ to over come the world. With out him we would live and die forever in our sins. Never capable to return. Gods love for us is so endless and un selfish that he allowed his baby boy to come and rescue us all. One perfect life was given to pay a debt beyond anything our own funds could pay.

I will never be perfect in this life, how ever I do know there will be one that loves me perfectly. When I fall he will be there to lift me, when I am weak he will be there encouraging me until I have become stronger, when I want to give up he will let me know that I can continue on.

For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.

I stand with Nephi.

"I know that he(God) loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."

I do not know everything, or a whole lot of anything. There is one thing I know for sure, and that is...

I AM A DAUGHTER OF GOD

How did I come to know this? I prayed. I prayed to be able to understand my potential, to know where I came from, and how I can make it back. I didn't have a huge vision or an obvious answer, over time as I read the scriptures and read of our Father in Heavens relationship to us I felt peace and over time I came to the understanding that he created all of us individually and that He wants us all to live with him in our heavenly home with Him again some day.

  

 "16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

 17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together."Romans 8

 I do know, that I am His daughter. I am his daughter, his love for me will never end. His wants for me will never be selfish. He wants for me and you to reach our divine potential. We can have all that He has through the Atonement of our Brother Jesus Christ, we... with Jesus Christ can inherit the kingdom of God.

 His love is with out end. His love is based on one condition.

  If ye love me, keep my commandments.

10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.

 11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

 14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

As we keep the commandments and continue on in faith we will be filled with Gods love for us. It is a promise that he will be there, he will be our friend.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

He lives with in each of us. We are his most prized creations. We will understand our worth as we see him in our reflections. 

As I am filled with his love for me, and I grow to know him as my father my love is more freely given to those I serve. As I do my best to lose my fear and replace it with faith my love for God grows.

I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND HE HAS SENT ME HERE. YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD AND HE LOVES YOU. INFINITELY. WITH OUT END.  :)

The little things.

But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance 1 Nephi 1:20

Step by step, little by little the Lord hears and answers our prayers.

 "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led."

Shortly before this scripture nephi and his family have to leave their home, and wander through the wilderness to find refuge. As they travel they pass through SO MANY trials. Nephi and his brothers go to hunt for food and their bows break! The whole family breaks down and begins to murmur. Except Nephi. He goes and He fixes his bow and then asks Lehi his father where he should go to find food. He is a legit example to his family of doing your best to fix broken things. Once he asks Lehi, Lehi prays and tells Nephi where to go! He then finds food for the family. Had he been lost in his own pity party with the family.. they probably would have starved to death. Nephi goes and he does. He doesn't wallow. The Lord doesn't expect us to know everything or to be perfect. But he does expect us to try. When times get hard we must first put forth our best effort to fix what is broken, then take faith and move forward.(1 Nephi 16)

Nephi and his family were expected to trust in the lord to be their light to guide them through the wilderness. Once they made it through their trials after relying on the lord they are led out of the wilderness and Nephi is again asked to do hard things. In that moment he doesn't throw a fit and say "I can't do that, i have never done that before, it would be impossible.." He basically says, alright lord. Teach me how to do this. 1 nephi 17, 1 nephi 18

He is then instructed on how to build a fire! Which had that been me I would be like. "Uhm where was that fire when I was eating raw meat a few weeks ago..."

The Lord gives us answers as we are prepared to receive them. If he gave us everything at once we wouldn't be capable to receive them. He gives us little steps to take as he knows we are ready to act. Deliverance never comes over night. The road to eternal life comes with a price. We have to go through trials to become stronger, more wise, patient, humble and dependant on the lord.

We have to step into the dark every once in a while so that we can make Christ our light.

Every once in a while I get into a pity party and wonder why I am going through trials. I am a missionary. I am trying to serve the Lord and some days... my head is in a toilet. I cant wander to far from a bathroom, and I think to myself why... Instead of thinking how.

How is this going to make me better. or What can I learn. How am I going to become stronger.

The last few weeks there have been so many tender mercies in my life.

tender mercy number one... CAPTAIN CRUNCH IS GLUTEN FREE

 ALSO GLUTEN FREE...

 

in the last few weeks I have discovered so many incredible foods. When I found out that captain crunch was gluten free, I actually almost cried. I had never taken the time to read the labels on either of these cereals I had passed them many times and assumed they were just like the rest. A gluten trap. I wasn't looking for the little things. Once I took a moment to stop and read the label my eyes were opened and MY HEART WAS REJOICING. I may have teared up a little ;)

as we stop to thank God even for the little things we will begin to see we are surrounded each and every day. He has not left us alone. Our own choices and thought processes lead us to feel alone.

There are miracles, blessings and reasons to be happy surrounding us each and every day. Attitude and prospective are everything in life. Who would have thought finding these cereals would make me SO HAPPY. It's CEREAL!

Find joy in the simple things. When you feel down, look for the little things that make you smile.

Pray for direction. Come up with your own ideas and then take them to the lord.

Ask for strength and then get up and work for it.

Don't always ask why, but ask how.

Trials will either make us bitter or better, it is up to us to choose.

I have made the choice to smile even when I want to cry. To laugh when I want to hide away. To reach out when I want to cave in.

If you feel like you are in a trial to hard to bear, reach out and become whole with in. Read the book of Mormon and you will be strengthened through the examples of others as they learn to rely on Jesus Christ and Our Father in Heaven.

Trust in God. Know that he can strengthen you. There is power in the atonement that provides a way for us to become so much more than we are.

You are enough. and God loves you. Never give in. Work your faith out. Stretch it, and let your trials help you grow. Pray on. and trust.

You are a child of God and your worth is great in his eyes. "even when your broken you are loved"

I love my Savior, and I love my God :)

las familias pueden ser eternas!

My family is one of the greatest gifts heavenly father has given me. The older I get the more I realize, I WAS NOT PLACED IN MY FAMILY BY ACCIDENT. We are all SO weird. I decided to use old pictures, because they are more.. comical.

God gives us families so that we can grow together, learn how to love selflessly, and how to serve others. Not only do we do those things with our family, families are meant to have FUN together. This is me and my mom at Disney land. I WAS OBSESSED WITH JASMINE. My mom helps me to reach my dreams, even if my dream was to meet Jasmine. No matter how crazy my dreams sounds she cheers me on. She is my number one fan and tells me anything is possible. When things don't work out she never says I told you so. She helps me dust off my scraped knees and move on with a better plan. She has taught me how to laugh when I want to cry, how to remain positive when NOTHING is going as planned and to trust in God.

This is me and my dad. I couldn't find a picture with his face. with me. I will have to ask my mom for a better one of us. He is teaching me how to shoot a gun, so some day when I need to hunt for my own food I WILL KNOW HOW. That was my first time learning how to shoot. My dad has taught me so many other great things so that if need be I will know how to take care of myself. He has taught me to be strong, even though some times it's easier to be weak. He calls me his little viking. The thing I love most about this man.. is even though he is super tough... He is also a teddy bear and listens to me when I am acting like a total.. girl. hahah. He cries when he shares his testimony about Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ. Or when ever he talks about how much he loves his kids. When I was speaking in church before my mission i couldn't look at him or his big blue eyes would be red and filled with tears. He has taken care of me my whole life, he goes with out so that we, his family can have. He is the ultimate example of selfless Christ like love.

This is Cody, my oldest brother. He used to call me sweets. As you can see He's not only super tough but he loves his baby sister! No matter what bratty teenage stage he was in he was always SO kind to me. He would let hang out with him and his friends, even though I was super obnoxious at times. Cody is a HUGE reason I chose to come on a mission. When I was in second grade he was the first of my family to go on a mission. We were asked who our heroes were and I drew a picture of him in a black suit, white shirt a tie and the missionary name tag holding a book of mormon. Cody has never been mean to me. He has always helped me to feel his love and support. Even though I was a brat growing up. He is always there to tease me and to protect me. Boys were always afraid to come over when Cody is around because... he is built tough. He is the brother that is super funny and super tender. yet super manly. When I was little he could be taking a nap and all I would have to do is ask and he would wake up and jump on the trampoline with me no questions asked. He spoiled me. I know I can always count on having fun when I am with him! He is an incredible dad. Watching him with his daughter Taylor is enough to melt any ones heart.

This is me and Travis on my birthday. Travis is an incredible example of patience. He is absolutely HILARIOUS. He knows how to make people laugh. Travy is seriously the best dad ever. Watching him with my nephews is so sweet. He also served a mission and married his beautiful wife shortly after he got home. It was really cool to see how much they love each other.  Even though marriage is hard they are still crazy about each other. I have always loved creepily observing them and I hope to some day have a family like that. He is a comedian and a spiritual giant. He is one of those people that when he tries something he instantly becomes pro. It's pushed me to not be afraid to try. To give everything a shot before I decide I can't do it. To be fearless and just go for it. he doesn't know this but when He was on a mission I used to sneak in his room and play with all of his lego sets that were like super intense. :) He is really smart, driven and talented. He doesn't waste his talents either, he expands them and is always learning new things and becoming a better person each day.

hahah Maddie... WE USED TO FIGHT LIKE CATS AND DOGS. Holy cow, do I love her. Some of my funniest memories have been made with mads. She has been through so many HARD trials in her young life. Maddie even though we fought was always really protective of me. If some one wasn't treating me right she was sure to be there to defend me. She is one of my best friends now. She doesn't give up either or lose hope, even though at times it would make sense to be discouraged. She pushes through with a bright smile on her face and lights up the world around her. We have the same laugh and our voices are almost identical. When she was in high school and her friends would call I would always pretend to be her. ohh she would get so mad. Even though we used to beat each other up we have really grown to love each other so much. I know that no matter where I am or what I am doing maddie will love and support me. She is like my dad, She gives her all to make those around her feel taken care of, protected and loved. She is one of the most selfless people I have met. She has inspired me so much and has influenced me more than she could ever know. I love hearing about her new mom experiences, I have yet to see it in action because she had Franklin right after I left on my mission. I do know that my parents are super proud of the mommy she is. It doesn't surprise me that she is a good mom. She used to try and be a mother hen to me when I was little and take care of my every little move, she would always try to do my hair and make me look pretty. I would get so mad because I HATED GETTING PRETTIED UP. That was a huge reason we fought. She always wanted to help me with fashion tips and girly things and I was so stubborn and would rather go roll around in the mud and be stinky than have curlers in my hair. But after many years of trying her advice.. sort of sunk in. I have now realized. I can look like a girl and ride a motorcycle, a wake board, or skate board. :) Maddie is a well rounded individual. She knows how to have class, and she knows how to be crazy.

This is me and Jordan. We are the closest in age. Holy cow. He is maestro. My teacher. He has taught me SO much. from, learning how to wake board, skate board, snowboard, and everything between... oh and when I can't do something I get so frustrated. When he would take me snowboarding and I would get so mad because I wasn't as good as him he'd stay so calm and help me through it. "Follow my trail little buddy and I will help you through" He has taught me to rely on Christ, the Atonement and to never settle for less than the best. Jordan is a pro communicator. When ever I am acting crazy he could talk me out of a temper tantrum. He is one of the most calm, patient, level headed people I know. He is diligent in everything he does, He is obedient, with exactness. He was one of the best missionaries. He is one of the most spiritually in tune people. No matter what stage of life I am in his advice is ALWAYS an answer to my prayers. Especially when I am here on my mission and feeling discouraged. he has helped me push through. Jordy is a true gentlemen. Even being my brother he would always get my door for me.

Learning to follow my siblings has taught me to follow my savior. Just as they look out for and protect me, watch over me and set examples for me the savior has set the ultimate example for me... The love of my parents has taught me to understand my father in heavens love for me. As I am learning that families are genetically made to love and support each other no matter what to bring each other back to Christ and Heavenly Father. They are the people who love you no matter what dumb choices you make.

Meet our oldest brother, Jesus Christ.

He has made it possible for me to return home to live with my father in heaven for ever. He has made repentance possible, he has made it possible for me to over come all my weaknesses and to trust those around me. Because of Jesus Christ and his example he set we know how to live our lives to find happiness joy and peace in a world that isn't.. exactly peaceful.

I am grateful that families are eternal through the priesthood power of God and his temples. My family is forever and because of Jesus Christ we can all live together after this life, to never be parted or lost from one another. I don't know where I would be with out the love of my family and the hope the Gospel of Jesus Christ provides. I know that Jesus Christ is not only my Savior but he is my big brother and he loves me. He protects me and he guides me and keeps me close to God each and every day.

More info about temples
Eternal families(More info)

Christ heals all wounds

 As I watched this video I felt like it was based on my child hood/middle school/ high school days.

Growing up I never cared what people thought. My mom would buy me all these cute little girly outfits and I would rather wear my brothers tattered hand me down volcom hoodies. Over bows ribbons and frilly things. I loved to wear Vans skate shoes and I LOVED to go skate boarding with my brother. My mom would put all these cute dresses on me and I COULDN'T RIDE MY BIKE IN THEM. Secretly, I loved barbies and dolls though.

I was different and I didn't care. This bought me a free ticket to bully street.  Elementary school was rough, I was still to little to super care what people were saying. I was blessed to come home to a loving mom each day who would build me up. "They just don't understand you, if they truly knew you they would see how awesome you are"

Middle school was especially... brutal. I was the punk girl. I enjoyed wearing stud belts, ripped jeans, band T's and my converse high tops. The more bracelets the better, the darker nail polish was most preferred, I wore my make up dark as well. BUT I WAS HAPPY. So happy. Always in a good mood. I just liked dressing extreme, and listening to music you could hardly understand. I was branded emo, or punk girl.

I slowly started to fit the look. As people would send me text messages similar to the one the girl gets in this video, emails on what was then "myspace" "Emo girl no one would miss you if you were gone" and things like that. I was beginning to cave under pressure. The me I once loved and embraced was slowly getting lost in the criticism. I was losing my light. I was beginning to doubt things I was pretty much born into knowing were true.

There is one day that sticks out to me in particular. I came home from one of the hardest days of school. I had been beat down verbally and emotionally to the point, I didn't realize my worth anymore. I didn't know who I was or why I was here. I didn't understand why as a 14 year old girl I had to experience these things. I was doing my best to believe in God, I was doing my best to follow the commandments when people around my were slipping, I didn't want to follow the crowd and that's where my extreme exterior came from. I came home from school and went straight to my room. I listened to one of my favorite songs by a band "Good Charlotte" This song is called hold on it says:

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

As I listened to this song I was curled up in a ball on my floor pleading with heavenly father to help me. For the first time ever I doubted if he was there. I asked him why I was going through this. I was so angry. I didn't understand why he would allow this to happen. I cried myself into a nap. When I woke up it was late at night. I began to pray again and I opened my book of mormon and I opened to a scripture 3 Nephi 14:7-8

 7 Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

 8 For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.

For the first time ever I asked God if He was there. I asked him if he even cared about me. I asked him who I was to him. On this day I developed a very real relationship with God. This is the time that I realized prayers are something personal. Not just a moment to breeze through but a moment to really communicate with God like I would with my parents here on earth.

At this point I started to see who I was. I began to see myself as a daughter of God. I felt something deep in my heart that night. I didn't yet understand why I was here or why I was going through those things. But they started to feel like something that would be possible to endure.

My self esteem was next to nothing which lead to some really rough years in High school and the beginning of college.

I would drift back and forth in my beliefs, I wasn't rooted deeply in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I knew that it was because of Him that I made it through that night where I no longer felt alone. I knew it was because of him that I endured those years of torture.

It wasn't until I started reading from the book of Mormon daily that I truly understood myself, my worth and what I am capable to become.

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God"

"I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days."1 Nephi 1

It wasn't until I was almost 20 that I gained understanding for why I went through the trials I went through. It wasn't because I was doing anything wrong, it wasn't because God was angry with me. We all have the ability to make choices, and sometimes we make choices that bring others down. In the attacks I often made a choice to fight back. I said things that were hurtful, I felt justified. I was praying to be able to let go of the way that these people had made me feel. My answer was "Find them and apologize and your burden will be lifted" It was like going to the dentist to have my teeth pulled! How ever I went through and I found these people, as I apologized it also gave them the opportunity to do the same, we were able to close those doors and move forward.

There are moments life doesn't seem fair, there are moments we may have to endure abuse, there are moments others hurt us so deeply we believe that we are beyond repair. There is no baggage that is heavier to bear than the burdens of a grudge. To be forgiven we must also forgive. You don't have to let the person back into your life, to tromp over you again. However, it is important to let go of those feelings of bitterness, hatred, and frustration. They are toxic poison to the spirit. They held me back from feeling Gods love for many years, they held me back from becoming my true self. Forgiveness is liberating, it brings freedom from our own captivity. It allows more peace and happiness to enter into our hearts and minds.

 21 ¶Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

" 10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

Forgiveness is essential to keep us close to God. We are freed from the burden of having to choose who we will forgive, we are freed from the burden of having to decide how to judge, we are freed by forgiveness.

Not only do we need to forgive others, but it is important to let go and to forgive ourselves. To let go and allow the Atonement repair our tattered hearts. I have learned in my short 22 years that I can't fix myself. There are certain thing that once they are broken only the Savior himself can fix. There are certain things that we can only do so much to fix and again it is up to Jesus Christ to do the rest.

He is the divine healer and the greatest physician. We must go to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to mend our broken hearts.

Through my trials I learned so many important things, one is to let people be who they want to be allow them to express themselves, and love them for it. Let go of grudges. Be so careful of what you say. Words can pierce deeper than the sword most wounds heal over time, but the wounds caused by the words of abuse can last a life time. Trust in God. I have learned of the reality of Christs Atonement and love for me. I have learned of my true worth as I have lost my self in Christ. Self esteem isn't something we gain from the world, it can only be given as we understand our true nature and where we came from, as I have gained understanding in knowing I am a creation of God I see myself in a new way. People have the ability to change. Don't hold their past against them. and God doesn't make mistakes, we are all created in a way that he sees to be beautiful. We are all his children and when we feel like no one else loves us Christ, and Heavenly father do.

(me now! so happy! the book of mormon changes people)

NEVER LET GO. NEVER GIVE UP. ALWAYS HOLD ON AND NEVER GIVE IN. TRUST IN GOD AND KNOW THAT HE LIVES.

 And it supposeth me that they have come up hither to hear the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul. Jacob 2

Christ heals all wounds, all we have to do is ask, act and receive. :)

Under construction.

I wish life came with warnings like this. Before this sign the street was filled with pot holes... I am learning this is not uncommon in Rochester.. Or all of Western New York. 

My favorite thing to do in the summer back home in Utah is ride my long board on a perfectly paved street, no pot holes, or lose gravel, just smooth sailing. 

How often is life smooth? Or easy to get through? Have you ever had a day that is absolutely perfect and nothing goes wrong?? If so please do teach me your ways. Driving through Rochester I am constantly swerving to miss pot holes, not just little pot holes.. BUT HUGE ONES.

When I was going to school we had a motivational speaker come and talk to us. I can't remember his name, but something he said has stuck with me.

 "You aren't having a bad day, you are just having a bad moment in your day, you choose whether or not it will make the whole day go bad. So what you dropped your phone in the toilet this morning and you were late for work. You had bad moments in your morning. It wasn't the worst morning ever." 

We have good and bad moments in our life. We choose how they will get to us. Happiness and joy are a choice. So is misery. 

I feel like.. MY LIFE IS A CONSTRUCTION ZONE. "Caution road work ahead" my mission has been a constant revamp the high ways project. 

I used to have a really bad temper. Like really bad. I HATED IT. I didn't know how to control it. I would just lock things in until finally I would explode. Leaving behind massive pot holes. Except, I didn't care enough to go back and fix them. 

Since I have been a missionary, my temper has faded, I talk things out and rarely ever do I get mad. This is actually the most "chill" I have been in my life. I have come realize, if you can't control it pray to find peace. Take a breath and relax. Talk it out, then move forward. 

Well... I had a moment. I lost my cool for a split second. I was frustrated and I got mad. I slammed a door. I HAVEN'T SLAMMED A DOOR SINCE I WAS LIKE 16. Then it hit me... "Do you realize what you just did?" Instantly I just started to weep, something I am fighting soo hard to overcome and I GAVE IN. I SLAMMED THE DOOR. It taught me something though. 

A. always recognize mistakes, we all make them.

B. Don't dwell on it. 

C. Make it right as quickly as possible. REPENT. Don't procrastinate repenting.  

I realized that.. Our weaknesses can always come back if we let our guard down. Not long before this happened I was thinking to myself "Way to go! You have conquered your fiery self." NEVER EVER EVER ASSUME YOU HAVE OVER COME SOMETHING. ALWAYS KEEP WORKING ON IT. Pride got me. 

A few nights before this happened I was praying and the thought came to my mind "Bridle your passions" I EVEN RECEIVED WARNING. A "rough road ahead" God gave us emotions and passion. He gave us strong feeling. To be accessed in their proper time. I am a super passionate person whether it be about my beliefs, my hobbies, my family, I am protective and not afraid to stick up for what I know and care about. When I think I am right it's really hard for me to back down. 

"12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness." Alma 38:12

"Before you can master yourself, my precious one, you need to know who you are. You consist of two parts—your physical body, and your spirit which lives within your body. You may have heard the expression “mind over matter.” That’s what I would like to talk about—but phrase it a little differently: “spirit over body.” That is self-mastery." Russell M Nelson

Who am I? I am a daughter of God. I am capable of becoming The woman God needs me to be. Yes we sometimes fall into old traps. We give into ourselves. 

When I was younger we used to ride motorcycles and four wheelers all the time. I was finally tall enough to ride my motorcycle! I was so excited. We were in Moab and it had rained. A LOT. I was hardly tall enough to reach the ground when I stopped. I got my self going, my mom riding behind me. There was what LOOKED like a little puddle, as my front tire hit the puddle I flew over the handle bars and went FACE FIRST into this... mini pond! As I stood up I was knee deep in water. I felt so STUPID. I wanted to cry. As I got up my mom was laughing at me!! Of course she came running and helped me pick the dirt bike back up.. While LAUGHING :) I was scared to get back on the motor cycle. But she made me. Had I not, I probably would still be afraid to ride them! (I hope you remember this mom) I am glad she made me get back up and keep trying. That she didn't let me cry and run back to camp. Many times as I was learning to ride we would reach huge rocky hills to climb up.. and eventually come back down.. I would panic, I was never given the option to stop and turn around. My parents would cheer me on and let me know I could do it. A lot of times one of them would go right before me so I could follow their trail and miss the big obstacles, and the other would ride closely behind to be there to help if I fall. Once I finally gave the machine gas and trecked up the hill or back down I FELT ACCOMPLISHED. My parents would show such support and excitement when I would tackle the fear. It made me happy that they were proud. 

 That is exactly what heavenly father does.

"And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31

 He encourages us to get back up and keep trying. To climb the hills and mountains in life. To over come fear with faith. When we reach the top, some times he asks us to go back down and do it again. As we push forward in faith He is our number one support. Letting us know it's okay to fall, as long as we get back up. To laugh it off and push forward. Don't let the bad moments get to you. Your happiness is a choice. Smile on. Love each moment. The tough ones are where we are pushed to grow and become better. You have to have rainy days once in a while to appreciate the sunshine. :)

Weak things become strong

 

"the Atonement of Jesus Christ brings personal strength to the lives of the children of God. "

 
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27
 
This is my FAVORITE SCRIPTURE. My brother Jordan and I are the youngest of five.we lived in the home with just my parents and us for a few years, we became really great friends in that time, then he went on a mission. I was 15 when he left and IT WAS HARD. My brother jordy helped me through all the little girl high school drama in my life. I was going through what I thought was the end of the world my senior year... when I emailed him and asked for advice. I can't remember what his email said but he told me to read Ether 12:27 It has been five years since he shared that scripture with me and it is one that I go to often.
 
As we go to the Lord and ask he will show us our weaknesses. He gives us weakness so that we will rely on him, so that we can remain close to his son and remember our dependence on the atonement. If we are humble and filled with Faith, His grace is ENOUGH to make those weaknesses become strong.
 
"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."Alma 26
 
A lot of the time when I think of the Atonement I think of repentance, and forgiveness.. which is HUGE. However.. I want to focus on the enabling power in the Atonement. The power that helps us to become more than what we are. The power that helps us to reach great heights. The ability to reach our potential.
 
We aren't expected to be perfect in our lives, we are expected to give it our best. In my past, and in the now.. I tend to get really hard on myself. Being a missionary we have a set schedule each day we are to stick to. Just like at home when I had a job, we are expected to be on time with this schedule and we are held accountable to the Lord.
 
I am going to share a weakness of mine with you. MORNING TIME. My family can second this. I like to stay up late and sleep all day. I am like a kitten. I love to eat, and I love to sleep. Here on the mission we are expected to wake up at 6:30 each morning and exercise for 30 minutes to get the blood moving, then we study for an hour on our own to get our spirits moving.
 
This is usually how the morning goes:
warning alarm it's 6:15 beep beep beep........ SNOOZE! 6:20.. BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEP... SNOOZE!!! 6:25....... BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP.. Roll out of bed.. kneeling... back asleep.... 6:30... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEEP! FINEEEE I AM AWAKE. Say a prayer... wrap up in a blanket and stumble to the living room.. plop on the floor with my famous morning time face mean mug... stretch... roll around and grumble... lift weight.. once.. lift weight with other arm.. annnd switch... now lay on the floor and stretch some more.. I AM EXHAUSTED.. IS IT BED TIME YET!? You get the point... For some days.... my biggest accomplishment is getting out of bed. My knees hit the floor and my day begins with prayer. Usually a prayer begging for energy and strength to survive the day!
 
Some times... I am super sick, up all night in pain. or just not sleeping because my body thinks it's time to party... 6:30 comes to soon and i struggle to get up... some times... When I am praying I fall back asleep when the alert in my head goes of *SISTER CARLSON, SISTER CARLSON... ATTENTION.. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER* and by the time the alarm in my subconscious sounds.. it's 6:35... late.
 
"The joyful news for anyone who desires to be rid of the consequences of past poor choices is that the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. "
 
That is when the atonement steps in... When I give my best to wake up, to pray and to ask for strength, I CAN CONQUER THE MORNING.. Not only do I over come the morning.. but I make it through the day, WITH a smile on my face and joy in my heart.
 
When your own strength is no longer enough.. seek after the divine helping hand of our savior.
 

 11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

 13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

Alma 7

 

The savior has felt your weaknesses, he has felt your temptations, and guess what... HE NEVER GAVE IN! Why did he feel these things? Because it was necessary for him to in order to know how to succor us to help, aid, give assistance or to rescue. To rescue us from our own selves at times.

 

 "Many of us have allowed weakness to develop in our character. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can build spiritual fortifications between ourselves and any past mistakes that Satan attempts to exploit."
 
Don't let your weaknesses become an excuse. I have had an interesting past with some interesting friendships and relationships that have been some what toxic.. That have cut me down and made me feel like I am less than deserving of anything that is good at times. It caused me to cut people out of my life, to build walls, to become hardened and to lack compassion. It was my excuse to not let people into my world, to see me. I put up my best mask and would only let people see my surface. I was in a sense like a turtle. What lived in my shell.. stayed in my shell.. I WAS GOOFY 24/7 My conversations were the top of the ice burg... Beneath this person I was hiding there was soo much more. I was fearful to show that, I was scared that if I did I would be laughed at cut down and shut out. I didn't know how to over come this. I was suffocated and lost in my weaknesses.. To speak to any one I didn't know caused me to choke on my own words, to turn red in the face, sweaty palms and awkward giggles.
 

 

So how did I over come this?? I came on a mission. my mission has been my purification process. My opportunity to let go of the past, to let go of the heart ache of weaknesses. To break free of my own personal chains I was binding my self in.
 

 24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16

 
 " fill your life with service to others. As you lose your life in the service of Father in Heaven’s children, Satan’s temptations lose power in your life."

Granted, I am still not the most... socially smooth person, I tend to say things at times that make perfect sense in my head but no sense out loud, I snort when I laugh, I am either blunt, or reserved, my palms still get sweaty when I speak in front of large groups, when I get nervous I talk in rapid speed and ramble about things that don't make sense. But guess what!

I no longer let these things hold me back, I no longer use them as an excuse.. I no longer say "I am this way because" With the Savior I have broken the chains which once held me bound.

I am not afraid to speak up, if we never speak up we will never know what can be, by never letting go and letting Christ in we miss out on opportunities, when we let fear rule our lives we miss the privileges to reach divine potential.

I am not afraid to be who I am and to let those I love in. I am not afraid to love who I am anymore.

I love myself because I am me. I might be crazy. I might be awkward. I might say to much and I might not say enough. But because I have Jesus Christ everything I do or don't do can be made right as I continue in trying. As I push through.

Because of Jesus Christ my weak points will eventually be strong. Because of My brother, My savior, and my King I will be made perfect through my imperfections. I will be able to over come myself I will be able to let go of what hurts, and replace it with peace. Those things that have caused you to shut down, to give in to let go and give up... They can all be washed away and replaced with learning, new knowledge, strengths we weren't aware of and they will bless the lives around you. As we over come weakness, we become a help for those trying to over come similar trials in their lives.

Jesus Christ is the way.

"And moreover, I say unto you, that there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent."Mosiah 3

 

 

 

"He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death." Mosiah 16

 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

For with God nothing shall be impossible.

 

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.

the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

If ye have faith ye can do all things

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.



MY BOOK OF MORMON HERO OF THE WEEK. :)

Why a book of Mormon hero?? because... I LOVE SUPER HEROS. A lot. My favorite one is Batman, why?  He doesn't have super powers, he isn't super natural. He took his weakness His fear and made it strength. He used his wealth to better the world, He used his brains as a means of protection over his home. His fear of bats became his source of power.. one of the greatest heros of all times. Even better than Batman are real men, with real lives, real trials and great faith in Christ. I picked a hero of the week because it changes. ALL THE TIME. The book of Mormon is full of such incredible men and women who truly follow Jesus Christ. Which teaches me how I can repent, change and become a better disciple of my Savior each and every day. This week I am going to talk about CAPTAIN MORONI...

He is bold, he is brave, and he is NOT afraid to stand up for what is right, what he believes, and his family.

Moroni is incredible. He believes Jesus is His Savior. He doesn't just believe this he lives it.

Here are a few verses of Scripture about Moroni:

 11 And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery;

 12 Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God, for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people.

 13 Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ, and he had sworn with an oath to defend his people, his rights, and his country, and his religion, even to the loss of his blood.

17 Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.
Alma 48

Moroni is converted to the Lord. He will do anything he can to defend his beliefs and to keep his family free and protected. EVEN TO THE LOSS OF HIS OWN BLOOD!

What would/do you give to follow Jesus Christ? I know that we live in a world where it is hard to believe. Where it is hard to follow and at times we are asked to stand alone in the faith. Being a missionary I have had a lot of experiences where I have had to clarify confusions people have with the Mormon faith, I have been loved and I have been hated. I have been invited in and I have been cast out.

We all have our moment of conversion. Our moment where we decide.. Who will I follow

 "For thus saith the scripture: Choose ye this day, whom ye will serve."
Alma 30

"24 ¶No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
Matthew 6

To be as converted as Moroni is a daily process. Conversion isn't a one time movement. If one wants to become good at something you must practice. I always wanted to play every instrument as a kid, I wanted to be good at everything, but I wouldn't practice to get there. I would not stick with it.. Therefore.. I can dabble on on a lot of things.. But none of them are my true strength.

I found that I have a passion for make up, costume make up, creepy make up, pretty make up.. I LOVE IT. It is an art that I can express myself with. I worked at it. I took classes on it.. I watched youtube video after youtube video and it has become something that I enjoy doing and that as I do it I escape from the stresses of the world and can turn my beautiful friends into terrifying monsters.

 yes.. this is the same person

I have learned to direct that passion to the gospel. My new escape is finding rescue in the words of Christ. The book of Mormon and the Bible. Hand in hand. Becoming converted is an art, it is a practice. I learned yesterday that it is important to read from the book of Mormon each and every day to have spiritual fortifications around our heart and mind 24/7. I AM FAR FROM PERFECT. Therefore I have to fortify my weaknesses with spiritual back up so that I can become like Moroni.. Firm in the faith. Firm and immovable in his beliefs. I missed a day of reading from the book of Mormon yesterday, and my whole day was off! I wasn't as happy, I wasn't as energetic and the spirit wasn't as much with me as it could have been. READ THE BOOK OF MORMON DAILY!

Become passionate about Jesus Christ, as the violinist practices for hours a day, the basketball player shoots hoop after hoop after hoop practice after practice.. We can not become deeply rooted in something if we aren't putting forth effort. Direct your passion to Christ. As we love Him he loves us in return. As we draw nigh unto him he holds us closer.

 63 Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Serving God has forever changed my life. I am devoted. I will do my best to not waver. To hold onto the truth and never let it slip away. God doesn't ask a lot of us.. all that he asks is that we keep his commandments.

"15 ¶If ye love me, keep my commandments."
John 14

and this is what we get in return

 10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
John 15

Obedience, a law with a promise

20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

 21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

 22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

 23 And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

 24 And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?

Mosiah 2

 

The book of Mormon is so easy to relate with, it takes real men and women with real life trials and helps you to see that as you trust in God you can over come anything. Through Moroni's example I want to strive to be more bold, to be brave in declaring Gods words, to reach out and lift those who need their faith strengthend, to lift those who feel to weak to stand. Through Moroni's example I wish to be more obedient. To be more willing to follow my father in Heaven. To not be afraid to sacrifice what I want right now, for what is eternally important. To not give into temptation, to not miss my opportunity to speak up.

 

We must choose whom we will serve. who we will follow and who we will trust.

 

" 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust."

Proverbs 91

 

 28 ¶Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11