― Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Being home is weird. A new you, put back into your old life. I don't know if its just me.. or if all returned missionaries feel this way. I feel as though people have these expectations of what I should or shouldn't be.. Or that I am constantly compared to the "old me" or the "real Ashley" I didn't think adapting back to "normal life" would be so difficult. I often find myself zoning out.. hardly speaking and feeling uncomfortable in my own world.
It's time to break the mold and be who the lord helped me become in New York, to lay aside expectations and my comfort zone.
Just because I don't wear the badge anymore doesn't mean my life has to change. I can still be happy. I can still serve others, and I can be me. Me is the same person I was 18 months ago. Just with new habits, more discipline, eternal perspective, a greater desire to obey, and a firm foundation built on Christ.
I have the same hobbies, dreams, and greater expectations. It's time to reach them. Time to stop wishing I was in New York and to live for today. To BE HAPPY. My life might not be going as smoothly as I hoped it would. I might not have the job of my dreams, or be in school like I hoped... But I can still find joy in the journey. My mission taught me to endure well through trials. Its my time to apply what I learned to this chapter. Endure with faith. Happiness. and peace. Peace in knowing that my life is in the hands of a heavenly father who created me. To give up my murmuring and to step into trusting God that all is going to work out. This is my life, I may not choose my trials, but I can choose whether or not I will be broken.
Being home doesn't have to be weird. It doesn't have to be uncomfortable. I am realizing that it doesn't matter where we are in life, but that we make the best of our location. Give it your best, even if some things suck. That doesn't mean I have to suck. Life is stressful. That doesn't mean you have to dwell on it.
"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." Ether 12:6
I am going to make the next 18 months the BEST 18 months for my life. I will continue growing, I will stay close to the Lord, and I will keep serving others. I will keep trying, I will keep smiling, I will do my best, to be my best everyday.
"Don't demand things that are unreasonable, but demand of yourself improvement" Elder Russell M Nelson
