Under construction.

I wish life came with warnings like this. Before this sign the street was filled with pot holes... I am learning this is not uncommon in Rochester.. Or all of Western New York. 

My favorite thing to do in the summer back home in Utah is ride my long board on a perfectly paved street, no pot holes, or lose gravel, just smooth sailing. 

How often is life smooth? Or easy to get through? Have you ever had a day that is absolutely perfect and nothing goes wrong?? If so please do teach me your ways. Driving through Rochester I am constantly swerving to miss pot holes, not just little pot holes.. BUT HUGE ONES.

When I was going to school we had a motivational speaker come and talk to us. I can't remember his name, but something he said has stuck with me.

 "You aren't having a bad day, you are just having a bad moment in your day, you choose whether or not it will make the whole day go bad. So what you dropped your phone in the toilet this morning and you were late for work. You had bad moments in your morning. It wasn't the worst morning ever." 

We have good and bad moments in our life. We choose how they will get to us. Happiness and joy are a choice. So is misery. 

I feel like.. MY LIFE IS A CONSTRUCTION ZONE. "Caution road work ahead" my mission has been a constant revamp the high ways project. 

I used to have a really bad temper. Like really bad. I HATED IT. I didn't know how to control it. I would just lock things in until finally I would explode. Leaving behind massive pot holes. Except, I didn't care enough to go back and fix them. 

Since I have been a missionary, my temper has faded, I talk things out and rarely ever do I get mad. This is actually the most "chill" I have been in my life. I have come realize, if you can't control it pray to find peace. Take a breath and relax. Talk it out, then move forward. 

Well... I had a moment. I lost my cool for a split second. I was frustrated and I got mad. I slammed a door. I HAVEN'T SLAMMED A DOOR SINCE I WAS LIKE 16. Then it hit me... "Do you realize what you just did?" Instantly I just started to weep, something I am fighting soo hard to overcome and I GAVE IN. I SLAMMED THE DOOR. It taught me something though. 

A. always recognize mistakes, we all make them.

B. Don't dwell on it. 

C. Make it right as quickly as possible. REPENT. Don't procrastinate repenting.  

I realized that.. Our weaknesses can always come back if we let our guard down. Not long before this happened I was thinking to myself "Way to go! You have conquered your fiery self." NEVER EVER EVER ASSUME YOU HAVE OVER COME SOMETHING. ALWAYS KEEP WORKING ON IT. Pride got me. 

A few nights before this happened I was praying and the thought came to my mind "Bridle your passions" I EVEN RECEIVED WARNING. A "rough road ahead" God gave us emotions and passion. He gave us strong feeling. To be accessed in their proper time. I am a super passionate person whether it be about my beliefs, my hobbies, my family, I am protective and not afraid to stick up for what I know and care about. When I think I am right it's really hard for me to back down. 

"12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness." Alma 38:12

"Before you can master yourself, my precious one, you need to know who you are. You consist of two parts—your physical body, and your spirit which lives within your body. You may have heard the expression “mind over matter.” That’s what I would like to talk about—but phrase it a little differently: “spirit over body.” That is self-mastery." Russell M Nelson

Who am I? I am a daughter of God. I am capable of becoming The woman God needs me to be. Yes we sometimes fall into old traps. We give into ourselves. 

When I was younger we used to ride motorcycles and four wheelers all the time. I was finally tall enough to ride my motorcycle! I was so excited. We were in Moab and it had rained. A LOT. I was hardly tall enough to reach the ground when I stopped. I got my self going, my mom riding behind me. There was what LOOKED like a little puddle, as my front tire hit the puddle I flew over the handle bars and went FACE FIRST into this... mini pond! As I stood up I was knee deep in water. I felt so STUPID. I wanted to cry. As I got up my mom was laughing at me!! Of course she came running and helped me pick the dirt bike back up.. While LAUGHING :) I was scared to get back on the motor cycle. But she made me. Had I not, I probably would still be afraid to ride them! (I hope you remember this mom) I am glad she made me get back up and keep trying. That she didn't let me cry and run back to camp. Many times as I was learning to ride we would reach huge rocky hills to climb up.. and eventually come back down.. I would panic, I was never given the option to stop and turn around. My parents would cheer me on and let me know I could do it. A lot of times one of them would go right before me so I could follow their trail and miss the big obstacles, and the other would ride closely behind to be there to help if I fall. Once I finally gave the machine gas and trecked up the hill or back down I FELT ACCOMPLISHED. My parents would show such support and excitement when I would tackle the fear. It made me happy that they were proud. 

 That is exactly what heavenly father does.

"And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31

 He encourages us to get back up and keep trying. To climb the hills and mountains in life. To over come fear with faith. When we reach the top, some times he asks us to go back down and do it again. As we push forward in faith He is our number one support. Letting us know it's okay to fall, as long as we get back up. To laugh it off and push forward. Don't let the bad moments get to you. Your happiness is a choice. Smile on. Love each moment. The tough ones are where we are pushed to grow and become better. You have to have rainy days once in a while to appreciate the sunshine. :)

Weak things become strong

 

"the Atonement of Jesus Christ brings personal strength to the lives of the children of God. "

 
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27
 
This is my FAVORITE SCRIPTURE. My brother Jordan and I are the youngest of five.we lived in the home with just my parents and us for a few years, we became really great friends in that time, then he went on a mission. I was 15 when he left and IT WAS HARD. My brother jordy helped me through all the little girl high school drama in my life. I was going through what I thought was the end of the world my senior year... when I emailed him and asked for advice. I can't remember what his email said but he told me to read Ether 12:27 It has been five years since he shared that scripture with me and it is one that I go to often.
 
As we go to the Lord and ask he will show us our weaknesses. He gives us weakness so that we will rely on him, so that we can remain close to his son and remember our dependence on the atonement. If we are humble and filled with Faith, His grace is ENOUGH to make those weaknesses become strong.
 
"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."Alma 26
 
A lot of the time when I think of the Atonement I think of repentance, and forgiveness.. which is HUGE. However.. I want to focus on the enabling power in the Atonement. The power that helps us to become more than what we are. The power that helps us to reach great heights. The ability to reach our potential.
 
We aren't expected to be perfect in our lives, we are expected to give it our best. In my past, and in the now.. I tend to get really hard on myself. Being a missionary we have a set schedule each day we are to stick to. Just like at home when I had a job, we are expected to be on time with this schedule and we are held accountable to the Lord.
 
I am going to share a weakness of mine with you. MORNING TIME. My family can second this. I like to stay up late and sleep all day. I am like a kitten. I love to eat, and I love to sleep. Here on the mission we are expected to wake up at 6:30 each morning and exercise for 30 minutes to get the blood moving, then we study for an hour on our own to get our spirits moving.
 
This is usually how the morning goes:
warning alarm it's 6:15 beep beep beep........ SNOOZE! 6:20.. BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEP... SNOOZE!!! 6:25....... BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP.. Roll out of bed.. kneeling... back asleep.... 6:30... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEEP! FINEEEE I AM AWAKE. Say a prayer... wrap up in a blanket and stumble to the living room.. plop on the floor with my famous morning time face mean mug... stretch... roll around and grumble... lift weight.. once.. lift weight with other arm.. annnd switch... now lay on the floor and stretch some more.. I AM EXHAUSTED.. IS IT BED TIME YET!? You get the point... For some days.... my biggest accomplishment is getting out of bed. My knees hit the floor and my day begins with prayer. Usually a prayer begging for energy and strength to survive the day!
 
Some times... I am super sick, up all night in pain. or just not sleeping because my body thinks it's time to party... 6:30 comes to soon and i struggle to get up... some times... When I am praying I fall back asleep when the alert in my head goes of *SISTER CARLSON, SISTER CARLSON... ATTENTION.. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER* and by the time the alarm in my subconscious sounds.. it's 6:35... late.
 
"The joyful news for anyone who desires to be rid of the consequences of past poor choices is that the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. "
 
That is when the atonement steps in... When I give my best to wake up, to pray and to ask for strength, I CAN CONQUER THE MORNING.. Not only do I over come the morning.. but I make it through the day, WITH a smile on my face and joy in my heart.
 
When your own strength is no longer enough.. seek after the divine helping hand of our savior.
 

 11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

 13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

Alma 7

 

The savior has felt your weaknesses, he has felt your temptations, and guess what... HE NEVER GAVE IN! Why did he feel these things? Because it was necessary for him to in order to know how to succor us to help, aid, give assistance or to rescue. To rescue us from our own selves at times.

 

 "Many of us have allowed weakness to develop in our character. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can build spiritual fortifications between ourselves and any past mistakes that Satan attempts to exploit."
 
Don't let your weaknesses become an excuse. I have had an interesting past with some interesting friendships and relationships that have been some what toxic.. That have cut me down and made me feel like I am less than deserving of anything that is good at times. It caused me to cut people out of my life, to build walls, to become hardened and to lack compassion. It was my excuse to not let people into my world, to see me. I put up my best mask and would only let people see my surface. I was in a sense like a turtle. What lived in my shell.. stayed in my shell.. I WAS GOOFY 24/7 My conversations were the top of the ice burg... Beneath this person I was hiding there was soo much more. I was fearful to show that, I was scared that if I did I would be laughed at cut down and shut out. I didn't know how to over come this. I was suffocated and lost in my weaknesses.. To speak to any one I didn't know caused me to choke on my own words, to turn red in the face, sweaty palms and awkward giggles.
 

 

So how did I over come this?? I came on a mission. my mission has been my purification process. My opportunity to let go of the past, to let go of the heart ache of weaknesses. To break free of my own personal chains I was binding my self in.
 

 24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16

 
 " fill your life with service to others. As you lose your life in the service of Father in Heaven’s children, Satan’s temptations lose power in your life."

Granted, I am still not the most... socially smooth person, I tend to say things at times that make perfect sense in my head but no sense out loud, I snort when I laugh, I am either blunt, or reserved, my palms still get sweaty when I speak in front of large groups, when I get nervous I talk in rapid speed and ramble about things that don't make sense. But guess what!

I no longer let these things hold me back, I no longer use them as an excuse.. I no longer say "I am this way because" With the Savior I have broken the chains which once held me bound.

I am not afraid to speak up, if we never speak up we will never know what can be, by never letting go and letting Christ in we miss out on opportunities, when we let fear rule our lives we miss the privileges to reach divine potential.

I am not afraid to be who I am and to let those I love in. I am not afraid to love who I am anymore.

I love myself because I am me. I might be crazy. I might be awkward. I might say to much and I might not say enough. But because I have Jesus Christ everything I do or don't do can be made right as I continue in trying. As I push through.

Because of Jesus Christ my weak points will eventually be strong. Because of My brother, My savior, and my King I will be made perfect through my imperfections. I will be able to over come myself I will be able to let go of what hurts, and replace it with peace. Those things that have caused you to shut down, to give in to let go and give up... They can all be washed away and replaced with learning, new knowledge, strengths we weren't aware of and they will bless the lives around you. As we over come weakness, we become a help for those trying to over come similar trials in their lives.

Jesus Christ is the way.

"And moreover, I say unto you, that there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent."Mosiah 3

 

 

 

"He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death." Mosiah 16

 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

For with God nothing shall be impossible.

 

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.

the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

If ye have faith ye can do all things

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.



MY BOOK OF MORMON HERO OF THE WEEK. :)

Why a book of Mormon hero?? because... I LOVE SUPER HEROS. A lot. My favorite one is Batman, why?  He doesn't have super powers, he isn't super natural. He took his weakness His fear and made it strength. He used his wealth to better the world, He used his brains as a means of protection over his home. His fear of bats became his source of power.. one of the greatest heros of all times. Even better than Batman are real men, with real lives, real trials and great faith in Christ. I picked a hero of the week because it changes. ALL THE TIME. The book of Mormon is full of such incredible men and women who truly follow Jesus Christ. Which teaches me how I can repent, change and become a better disciple of my Savior each and every day. This week I am going to talk about CAPTAIN MORONI...

He is bold, he is brave, and he is NOT afraid to stand up for what is right, what he believes, and his family.

Moroni is incredible. He believes Jesus is His Savior. He doesn't just believe this he lives it.

Here are a few verses of Scripture about Moroni:

 11 And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery;

 12 Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God, for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people.

 13 Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ, and he had sworn with an oath to defend his people, his rights, and his country, and his religion, even to the loss of his blood.

17 Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.
Alma 48

Moroni is converted to the Lord. He will do anything he can to defend his beliefs and to keep his family free and protected. EVEN TO THE LOSS OF HIS OWN BLOOD!

What would/do you give to follow Jesus Christ? I know that we live in a world where it is hard to believe. Where it is hard to follow and at times we are asked to stand alone in the faith. Being a missionary I have had a lot of experiences where I have had to clarify confusions people have with the Mormon faith, I have been loved and I have been hated. I have been invited in and I have been cast out.

We all have our moment of conversion. Our moment where we decide.. Who will I follow

 "For thus saith the scripture: Choose ye this day, whom ye will serve."
Alma 30

"24 ¶No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
Matthew 6

To be as converted as Moroni is a daily process. Conversion isn't a one time movement. If one wants to become good at something you must practice. I always wanted to play every instrument as a kid, I wanted to be good at everything, but I wouldn't practice to get there. I would not stick with it.. Therefore.. I can dabble on on a lot of things.. But none of them are my true strength.

I found that I have a passion for make up, costume make up, creepy make up, pretty make up.. I LOVE IT. It is an art that I can express myself with. I worked at it. I took classes on it.. I watched youtube video after youtube video and it has become something that I enjoy doing and that as I do it I escape from the stresses of the world and can turn my beautiful friends into terrifying monsters.

 yes.. this is the same person

I have learned to direct that passion to the gospel. My new escape is finding rescue in the words of Christ. The book of Mormon and the Bible. Hand in hand. Becoming converted is an art, it is a practice. I learned yesterday that it is important to read from the book of Mormon each and every day to have spiritual fortifications around our heart and mind 24/7. I AM FAR FROM PERFECT. Therefore I have to fortify my weaknesses with spiritual back up so that I can become like Moroni.. Firm in the faith. Firm and immovable in his beliefs. I missed a day of reading from the book of Mormon yesterday, and my whole day was off! I wasn't as happy, I wasn't as energetic and the spirit wasn't as much with me as it could have been. READ THE BOOK OF MORMON DAILY!

Become passionate about Jesus Christ, as the violinist practices for hours a day, the basketball player shoots hoop after hoop after hoop practice after practice.. We can not become deeply rooted in something if we aren't putting forth effort. Direct your passion to Christ. As we love Him he loves us in return. As we draw nigh unto him he holds us closer.

 63 Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Serving God has forever changed my life. I am devoted. I will do my best to not waver. To hold onto the truth and never let it slip away. God doesn't ask a lot of us.. all that he asks is that we keep his commandments.

"15 ¶If ye love me, keep my commandments."
John 14

and this is what we get in return

 10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
John 15

Obedience, a law with a promise

20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

 21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

 22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

 23 And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

 24 And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?

Mosiah 2

 

The book of Mormon is so easy to relate with, it takes real men and women with real life trials and helps you to see that as you trust in God you can over come anything. Through Moroni's example I want to strive to be more bold, to be brave in declaring Gods words, to reach out and lift those who need their faith strengthend, to lift those who feel to weak to stand. Through Moroni's example I wish to be more obedient. To be more willing to follow my father in Heaven. To not be afraid to sacrifice what I want right now, for what is eternally important. To not give into temptation, to not miss my opportunity to speak up.

 

We must choose whom we will serve. who we will follow and who we will trust.

 

" 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust."

Proverbs 91

 

 28 ¶Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11

 

Believing Christ

 "16 Moreover, thou son of man, take thee one stick, and write upon it, For Judah, and for the children of Israel his companions: then take another stick, and write upon it, For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim, and for all the house of Israel his companions:

 17 And join them one to another into one stick; and they shall become one in thine hand."

Ezekiel 37

The stick of Judah    and    the stick of Joseph 

"shall become one in thine hand"

 

I would like to explain today, how these two books have greatly impacted my life as they have become one in my hands. 

When I was 18 turning 19 I read the book of Mormon through fully for the first time ever. It was an experience I will remember for ever. It wasn't a glorious experience. It was actually very simple. I can still remember some very key words and sentences that opened my heart to ask and to receive a witness that this book is true. 

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

my heart was pierced by something new, something that felt familiar. It was warmth, it was comfort, it was peace. 

As I read these few verses tears slipped slowly from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as I felt the powerful confirming witness that these words were true. 

After that I set aside the book, it was kind of like "cool, I read it through in through. Now I don't have to read it for a while." That warmth I felt faded and once in a while I would read a verse here and there, but nothing to keep my faith growing. 

A few years passed and I picked it up again, a friend had challenged me to read it in 2 months. However, I am a slow reader and it took me six. As I read it, I focused on the God head and the atonement. My life was changing. I was learning to apply the teachings. A few months into my mission I finished it. My heart again, was filled with warmth. and a smile was on my face. Only this time, it was different. I didn't set the book aside and move on, I continued studying from it. By topic. By chapter, here a verse there a verse. 

Then I realized after having a lot of bible questions asked that I couldn't answer that I was only educated in one stick. That I needed to further my knowledge I began to read the New testament from the beginning. I am still reading it. ALMOST FINISHED! As I read and study from the Bible... I see the reality of Jesus Christ, I gain a witness of his ability to heal, to strengthen, and to forgive. It shows me that I can be healed. That I can arise and walk even if I feel like I can't. 

The book of Mormon as I read them side by side through in through, has become the how, the application. I know Christ can do these things, He did this for the people of old... But how does he do this for me personally, here and now? 

How do I continually access his power? How can I be made whole each day? How can I personally be forgiven? I make a lot of mistakes... How can I BE WORTHY TO LIVE WITH GOD FOR EVER?? I alone will never be worthy. None of us will. Except if we repent daily, sincere true repentance. We must accept Christ accept that he is and that he has the power to forgive. It is so important that we humble ourselves and continually REPENT. In the book of Mormon many people become prideful, caught up in vain ambitions, and sins of the world, they cut them selves off and distance themselves from God. How often do I do these things!? More often than I would like to admit. They become a wicked people as they stop following God. They worship worldly material and lose sight of God. Then they are compelled and brought to humility time and time again. Through the atonement they are forgiven and given opportunity after opportunity to make things right. To return to God and to change.

 

This blog was inspired by a meeting we had a few days ago where we were asked "How does the book of Mormon help your testimony of Jesus Christ?"

 

I reflected on that question for a full day. At first I was frustrated. I knew it had helped but I couldn't think specifically.. how.

So I started to think of stories from both the Bible and the book of Mormon.  I thought of some stories from the bible first. One in particular. The one where Christ heals a man on the sabbath.      

This man waited 38 years to be healed. He truly was seeking for that help in his life. He watched as many people enter the waters to be made whole as he couldn't get him self there on his own he had to continue in waiting for divine help. I pictured myself in this story, as I anxiously await the Saviors healing power in my life. So many times in the Bible you hear "thy faith hath made thee whole"... "Arise, take up thy bed and walk"... "Be thou whole.." "Thy sins are forgiven thee" so on and so forth... At times I feel like this poor man. Just waiting to be made whole. I pictured myself sitting at the Saviors feet as He kindly crouched down asking what I was at the pool for. He asked if I had the faith to be made whole. OF COURSE! PLEASE HEAL ME. I pictured him saying "I will not that thou should be made whole, however, rise, take up thy bed and I will help you to carry it" He doesn't always remove the pain or the rough patch, and I often wonder why? As I have asked many times the why of my situations I always feel I need to be more patient or I need to try harder. This time as I asked the "why" I felt something different. I have been told this story of Saul who becomes Paul before, it became an answer to my prayers:

"7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

 It's not always the right timing. Or the will of God to make us whole. This has been a rough trial for me knowing that I could become perfectly healthy at any given moment. BUT WHEN, or will it ever happen?" 2 Corinthians 12

(Our thorns in the flesh)

The thorn could be removed from me, however, this pain this thorn of mine has become a constant reminder to always receive strength from Christ, it has taught me to remain close to him, to keep him with me always. Each morning and through out the day as I pray for strength I am fully putting my trust in the lord that he will get me through the day. Through these prayers i remember the Savior constantly and I am given the strength I need. That is why at times he doesn't remove our trials. It's like when he healed 10 lepers and only one returned to give thanks. Often times when we are healed we forget the source of healing. We forget to continually give thanks. This is his constant reminder to me that he is here.

I then flashed to a book of Mormon story or two. I thought about the prophet nephi and how hard his life was. His own brothers continually turned on him and sought for his destruction. Nephi never lost hope there was a few verses that jumped out of my memory, a time when Nephi was left bound in the wilderness to be devoured by beasts.

"17 But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound."

 

He prayed for the strength and then he acted, he fought his way from the cords. He broke free. Because he pleaded with the lord that he might receive strength.

 

Then I pictured this same family as they were lead across the great sea the Americas or "The Promised land" (1 Nephi 17 - 1 Nephi 18 ) They were lead by the hand of God to a new place and new home where they would be free.

 

I flashed again to another story. Of a a man named Alma, as he is teaching people the way of a new life a life centered on God, him and his people are cast into prison for believing in God and their trials are great, however. Again, they rely on the Atonement and they pray. They pray for help to escape these terrible situations and this is their answer:

 

"14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

 16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage."

Mosiah 24

 

Again the Lord is giving them the strength they need to be made free. To over come the obstacles of life.

 

So how has this helped me?

 

I know that when I pray for guidance, if I pick up the book of Mormon or the Bible I can receive an answer as I read in the pages stories of people who received much strength through the Lord, I read of people who were healed and I read of people who weren't healed but that were given great help, I know that it is possible for me. If I do my part I will receive divine help.

 

 7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

1 Nephi 3

 

I know that when I read from the book of Mormon Heavenly Father can communicate with me with the words of each story, I know that these aren't just made up stories, but the records of a people who knew and understood Christ, of a people who anxiously awaited his coming in their lives. It has taught me to look to Christ in all that I pass through.

 

Some times we don't understand why we are asked to do something, especially when that something doesn't work out the way we wished or would have liked, some times we do things that don't make any sense, but we know God is asking it of us. I know a lot of my life I am just following His answers and hoping for the best, knowing that God would never lead me a stray. I know that He can lead us all to our promised land, our land of safety and refuge from the storms of life.

 

 6 And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

1 Nephi 4

 

We first must trust, and then act.

 

 He can calm our seas when they are to rough to find our way on our own. I have learned through the things I have read in the book of Mormon, I have learned to apply what I read, to take it into my heart and to live it. As I have done so the Atonement has changed me. To be a woman of happiness. A woman of virtue. A woman who is patient, slow to anger. It has shown me the reality of Jesus Christ. It has taught me of my divine worth. That God loves ALL of his children.

 

The book of Mormon is centered on Christ, helping me to make him the center of my life. He is my help, my strength, the one who rescues when I feel there is no hope. He is the one that listens when I am up, He is the one who listens when I am down. He is there in the good, he is there in the bad. HE IS ALWAYS THERE. Always loving and always lending his hand to lift us, to help us arise, to pick up our beds and to carry them with us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stand fast in the faith of christ.

  

"Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble."

Mosiah 28:3

Sharing the gospel can be scary... So how does one go about teaching every one!? How do I be bold and tell all about the glorious gospel message that has been restored???

Believe it or not I can be shy. My whole life I was taught to never speak to strangers. Then I come on a mission and that's what we do ALL DAY! Talk to strangers, open your mouth and proclaim the truth to all! Suddenly, I am realizing.. sharing the gospel with my friends at home would have been a lot easier. haha!

"19 But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.
 
20 For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you."
Matthew 10

21 Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men."
Doctrine and Covenants 11

 Although it is never easy to share the glad message of our Savior Jesus Christs church and His true doctrine, it is worth it.

 "85 Neither take ye thought beforehand what ye shall say; but treasure up in your minds continually the words of life, and it shall be given you in the very hour that portion that shall be meted unto every man"
Doctrine and covenants 84

If you are doing all you can to study and to understand the scriptures, the Gospel principles, the life of our Savior, the will and commandments of God he will provide the words he needs you to speak. The holy ghost can not draw from empty wells. We must fill our hearts and minds with the "words of life continually" If we are always thinking about how the Gospel has blessed and changed our lives, and studying we become mighty instruments that the lord can call upon in a time one of his children are in need.

after we do these things studying, go about doing good and pray for opportunities to teach we HAVE to open our mouths. THE SCARY PART I KNOW. 

What is the worst that could happen? They are either going to say yes and be eternally happy... Or deny the greatest gift that could have ever been given.

"18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
 
19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
 
20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
 
21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me."
John 15

9 Say nothing but repentance unto this generation; keep my commandments, and assist to bring forth my work, according to my commandments, and you shall be blessed.

29 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if they reject my words, and this part of my gospel and ministry, blessed are ye, for they can do no more unto you than unto me.
 
30 And even if they do unto you even as they have done unto me, blessed are ye, for you shall dwell with me in glory.
 
31 But if they reject not my words, which shall be established by the testimony which shall be given, blessed are they, and then shall ye have joy in the fruit of your labors.
 
32 Verily, verily, I say unto you, as I said unto my disciples, where two or three are gathered together in my name, as touching one thing, behold, there will I be in the midst of them—even so am I in the midst of you.
 
33 Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.
 
34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.
Doctrine and Covenants 6

Sis Dimick and I have had a few rough weeks in a row, where nothing we do is working out. Everything we attempt falls through. Which... Seems to be a common pattern for a missionaries life. You go through phases where you are so busy you don't know what to do, and phases where you are doing your best to keep productive and talk to all you meet. So, a while back during companion study we were reading in the book of mormon. and we came across this scripture:

"29 And we have entered into their houses and taught them, and we have taught them in their streets; yea, and we have taught them upon their hills; and we have also entered into their temples and their synagogues and taught them; and we have been cast out, and mocked, and spit upon, and smote upon our cheeks; and we have been stoned, and taken and bound with strong cords, and cast into prison; and through the power and wisdom of God we have been delivered again."
Alma 26:29

 I laughed and said hey! we have been in their homes, and they accepted us! we have talked to people in the streets, they heard us out, we can't go into their temples... so that doesn't count.... we have been cast out of peoples front porches, yards, and all that.. how ever.. we have not been spit upon, we have not been smacked, and we have not been bound in prison.. So if we look at it that way.. these few weeks have been pretty easy!!

haha I spoke to soon...

Last Friday we were going to see this adorable older woman we have been meeting with and she must have forgotten about our lesson and wasn't home. So as we were walking back to our car we did our best to talk with everyone. I approached this man.. or boy.. about 18.. "HELLO! :) How are you doing today" With head phones in his ear he completely disregarded my existence.. or so i thought... when all the sudden.. he is making that really nasty noise.. that really gross noise that comes from the back of ones throat. you know the one I am talking about and then... HE SPITS!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh in that moment... I didn't know whether or not I should laugh. or cry and run away. haha. Old sister carlson probably would have grabbed him by his shirt collar and said "LISTEN HERE PUNK... I AM GOING TO SHARE A MESSAGE ABOUT JESUS CHRIST WITH YOU, YOU ARE GOING TO LISTEN. AND THEN YOU CAN SPIT ON ME." That scenario flashed through my mind in an instant, then complete and utter discouragement and sorrow, then I was over come with a sense of a broken heart, If only he knew.. If only he would have given me a moment. To hear me out. Whatever was causing his anger that day to be driven to act in such a way could have been relieved in knowing that He isn't alone. That if he endures these times that seem so un barable, if he could take Jesus Christ by the hand.. These things would have not seemed so horrible. His life could have been forever changed. Yes his trials would still be there. But there would have been a whole new prospective on how to endure. My heart was filled with compassion, sorrow and love.

I have reflected back to this moment a lot since it occurred. My wish is that I could have helped him to see there is more to life. My wish is that I could have testified to him of the atonement, the enabling power that comes through the atonement and the divinity and worth of his soul.

Not every one wants to hear what we believe all the time. At times we will be rejected harshly, kindly or anything in between.

But when we do find those souls who have been searching those bad days no longer matter. Those moments where our souls are pained with sadness as you watch a random stranger in such a broken world that they have no clue who to peace it back together, those days become worth it when that stranger becomes one of your closest friends. When that stranger becomes as family and you can see hope, faith and the love or God and Jesus Christ becoming real in their life. 

To be spit on for the sake of representing Jesus Christ becomes worth it.

A few nights ago sister dimick and I before bed were half way laughing and crying talking about how alone you are as a missionary, but that you never really feel alone because as you are rejected despised and cast out, you feel that our Savior is with us. That you can feel him pushing you along, fear not little flock... they have done this to me too. You can do this. This is for me, continue on in faith.

Once again my mission is teaching me valuable life experiences and providing strength for future and past trials.

You are never alone if you walk daily with Christ.

"those who died in the faith of Christ are happy in him"
Alma 46

 Id like to flip that scripture a little and say, "Those who live in faith of Jesus Christ are happy in him"

I emailed my brother Jordan yesterday asking for advice. He was like one of the greatest missionaries I know. and he said something so profound yet so simple that will help me through out all of my life. "Turtle just keep pushing. Remember for everything bad something equally good came along. Something big is about to happen. Just make sure you talk with everyone, and don't miss your chance!"

What ever storm you are in.. don't give up, don't miss your chance. Something big is about to happen.. Some times we feel like life spits in our face, and some times it is easier to be negative and discouraged and to be lost in the poor me, look how hard I am trying but I am seeing nothing of it.. Don't walk there. Don't take that path. Don't let yourself become miserable like that. "You should not, however, become discouraged; discouragement will weaken your faith."

  6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

If you are a missionary and doing your best to share the gospel and you feel no one wants to listen, remember, we can only do our best by inviting all to hear. " Your purpose as a full-time missionary is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end" We can only invite and always provide opportunities for the sons and daughters of god to accept or reject with clear prospective and knowledge.

If you are living in the day to day busy life and feel like you can never succeed you can only continue in faith. Keep putting on foot ahead of the other, keep trying, keep pushing, keep smiling. never let go, never give in, never give up. 

The Lords plan and time line for us is a lot bigger than what we can make for ourselves. Some times our plans as missionaries fall through for more solid ones to come together. Good things break so great things can be mended. Keep trusting, keep holding on, and don't lose the fire. Keep burning. in Patient perseverance.

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
Mosiah 24

sweet hour of prayer

 

"Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers.
 I know thy heart, and have heard thy prayers"

 doctrine and covenants 112

Hello! I am sister Carlson. I over analyze the details of everything. I think too deeply into every situation and some times I freak my self out. and by sometimes... i mean.. most of the time.

 

So how does one over come this tendency to be an overly analytical nut case!?!?!?!

 It is enough to drive one mad. I over think everything and I have to talk my problems out until they are finally solved.

The scriptures council us to pray, to communicate with God in all things. Who better to discuss our life problems, worries and concerns with than heavenly father, the creator of all things, he knows us inside and out. every last detail.

36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day. Alma 37

Heavenly father doesn't only want us to pray when things aren't going as planned, he wants to hear what is good in our life too, for us to share gratitude for that which he has blessed us with. Anything that is good comes from God. He takes care of us each and every day.

 Have you ever had an amazing experience with prayer?

 I know that some times when I am trying to make a change in my life or make a huge decision that as I pray and ask the Lord for guidance he is always there to answer. A few days ago I was praying about something, a question or I guess a concern I had. I received a very specific answer and I moved on with the answer I received. A few days later, my overly thinker mind got to me and I started thinking, well maybe that wasn't an answer or maybe I made that answer up..? Have you ever done that? been confused on if it was a self made answer or heaven sent??? Once again... I OVER THINK EVERYTHING. Hahaha. So.. I prayed again. As I was praying I told heavenly father I was going to do my best to find my answer in the scriptures and that if He would please guide me to a passage that would bring me peace in knowing that I am receiving direction from Him I would forever be grateful. So I flip through some pages with my eyes closed and I pop my book open to this:

 "Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things."

Doctrine and covenants

 The whole section spoke to my heart, however this is one verse that really stood out to me.

 The Lord knows my heart, he knows my desires, and He wont let me make a wrong choice. He will not lead me down a path that will destroy my happiness.

 

  "6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4

 

How do you come to peace with an answer that isn't exactly... easy to act on?

 

 

"Faith is to hope for things which are not seen"

             "to have faith is to have confidence in something or someone"

"Miracles do not produce faith, but strong faith is developed by obedience"

"Faith is a principle of action and of power"

If we never act how will we know if it was right or wrong...?

 "6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." Ether 12

We are given the ability to choose, to act and to make decisions from heavenly father. How many times have you made a wrong choice!? haha.. I know that I have made.. well more than a lot. Did you learn from that wrong choice? Did it teach you to make better choices in the future? I have learned to not act on an impulse. I have learned to take thought, study it out in my heart and mind, then to take it to the lord and begin to act according to what I feel or don't feel. Most of the time I don't receive a specific answer, I think the Lord is watching me to see if I will use my experiences and knowledge from the past to better my future and to make a correct choice.

"8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."

What if you have TWO amazing options... but you don't know which one to go with!? oh my goodness. this happens to me all the time. Not to long ago there was this awesome meeting we had as missionaries where a general authority was coming to train us! how often does that happen!? then.. on that same day some one I love that I had the opportunity to work with in a previous area was going to the temple for the first time. I asked the mission president for permission to go to the temple over this meeting. He weighed out the pros and cons of both situations and he told me both were great options so it was up to me to choose what I thought would be best for sister dimick and I. So. naturally. I prayed. I didn't really receive anything so we made the very difficult decision that we would go to the training. Which ended up being a much needed experience, i received answers of healing comfort and peace, my faith was rekindled and my heart was brim with joy.

The lord doesn't just have one specific trail that you are to follow exactly your whole life, if that were the case, we wouldn't have agency. He has a plan of happiness that involves following his commandments and his council. However we are expected to make the choices that get us there. He wants us to choose the right, to choose the options that bring us happiness, happiness is a choice. When we pray for help, especially between two good choices that he knows will ultimately bring us home, he leaves that up to us, to use our judgment and discernment to decide which one we think would be best. If we make the wrong one or pick something that really isn't going to be beneficial he will stop us before it is to late help turn us around and guide us back to something better.

often, it is neither of the two choices or three or four, which school should i go to? Maybe he needs you to re think your career or your future because he knows that something else would be better for you.

I know that as a 19 year old girl I was faced with a decision that has forever changed my life. It was one of the hardest decision I had made up to that point in my life but because I followed the council of my father in heaven my future has been forever altered in a way that I know is right.

Often times we find ourselves wandering back to the old path, the path we know or what is comfortable, but not.. not necessarily correct and as we pray we block ourselves from receiving an answer because we are scared about what we might hear. We are scared of what the future could hold. Never return to something because it is familiar. Don't stay some where because you are comfortable. Take faith and let go, let go of fear and comfort, take Christ by the hand and stretch yourself, let go and grow.
 

Believe Christ, believe that he is, believe that he will take you to new places that will forever make you a better person. Step into the unknown, take a risk, and go for it. Then trust, trust that Christ will be the light guiding you through the tunnel.